


No doubt it isn't right (but you could be my one and only)

by peachyujae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Eventual Smut, Falling Out of Love, Infidelity, Jaehyun is insecure, M/M, Toxic Relationships, side johnil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:54:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachyujae/pseuds/peachyujae
Summary: Both Yuta and Jaehyun have their own relationships, they are happy and in love with them, except things start to change when those relationships gradually fall apart. Maybe they were not as happy and in love as they thought they were.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 42
Kudos: 206





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> lol i didn't lie when i said i was bad at summaries
> 
> okay so i wrote this a while ago and it was going to be a one shot but then i thought it needed more and decided to make it into chapters soooo yeah sorry in advance for any mistakes
> 
> as always, don't take this too seriously, it's just for fun :)

It was a very cold Saturday night when Jaehyun was sitting alone at a bar; he had a few beers on him already. He knew it wasn’t smart to go and drink on his own, especially when drinking alone led him to have all these ugly thoughts running around his head. That was why he decided to call for a friend to join him.

Jaehyun’s original plan was to hang out with his boyfriend Doyoung, but he declined his offer because he said he was busy finishing a project for work. Jaehyun didn’t put much thought into it and shrugged it off with a ‘see you later then’. He couldn’t compete with Doyoung’s work and he knew that very well; in all the time they had been dating, Doyoung wasn’t embarrassed or apprehensive to let Jaehyun know he took his job seriously to the point of standing him up in a restaurant on their three-year anniversary. It sucked, Jaehyun cried even, but again, he knew Doyoung was like that. He accepted it and learned how to live with it. That didn’t mean it hurt less every time Doyoung put his work before Jaehyun, which happened more times than Jaehyun could count. But it was okay, they would find a way to make it work, eventually.

A slight tap on the window made Jaehyun turn his head. He smiled widely at the sight of Yuta waving at him before hurrying inside.

Jaehyun opted to text Yuta, who he knew would go wherever he was. Because Yuta was like that, he was caring and selfless, and no matter what, he was always ready to cheer you up. Or just to make you company, it didn’t matter. And for some odd reason, Yuta could tell when Jaehyun was down just by looking at his eyes.

“Jaehyunnie.” Yuta greeted him with a smile and sat down in front of him, rubbing his hands together.

“Thanks for coming, hyung.” Jaehyun nodded his head with appreciation and turned to call for the waitress.

Yuta chuckled. “No need to thank me.” He looked up when the waitress stood next to them, her eyes fixed completely on Jaehyun. “Yeah, here,” Yuta waved a hand in her direction. The scowl on her face made Yuta laugh on the inside, “I’ll have a beer, please.”

The waitress nodded her head and then turned back her attention to Jaehyun, batting her eyelashes at him. “What about you?”

“I’ll have a beer too. Thanks.”

As soon as the girl left, Jaehyun looked at Yuta and shook his head, chuckling. “Don’t say anything.” He shot him a knowing glance. It wasn’t the first time a girl, or a boy, flirted with Jaehyun. And if Yuta was there to witness it, he would start teasing him about it. 

Yuta lifted his hands in defense and grinned. “It seems like you started without me.” He pointed to the various empty glasses on the table.

“Yeah, I got here like an hour ago and...to be honest, I didn’t want to be alone.” Jaehyun bit his lip. They were the type of friends that talked about everything, but somehow Jaehyun felt shy for admitting he didn’t want to be on his own. “Sorry for bothering you.”

Yuta snickered. “You are not bothering me. On the contrary, Taeyong went out with his new friends from work and I wasn’t invited so yeah, I’m glad you texted me.”

They stopped their conversation when the waitress showed up with their beers. Yuta didn’t miss the way the girl leaned closer to Jaehyun, obviously expecting some kind of reaction or something. If only she knew…

Yuta took a sip of his drink and licked his lips. “I was actually going to ask you to hang out, but I assumed you’d be with Doie.”

“He had work to do.” Jaehyun said, shrugging his shoulders.

Yuta frowned. “Doesn’t he always?”

“Always.” Jaehyun cleared his throat, lifted his glass and made a motion for Yuta to do the same. “Cheers, hyung.”

Several minutes later, and with more alcohol than they could take, both Jaehyun and Yuta were laughing like crazy. That was all Jaehyun needed; have a good time with a friend, relax and be himself. And at that point, the only one who could make him feel like that was Yuta. He was grateful to have him.

“They are about to close, we should go.” Jaehyun said. A slight pout forming on his lips.

He didn’t want the night to end. And perhaps, he wanted to stay longer with Yuta. For as long as he could. Going home meant to be alone, and Jaehyun didn’t want to be alone.

“You didn’t drive here, right?” Yuta asked, concerned.

Jaehyun shook his head and gulped the last bit of the content in his glass before standing up and putting his coat on. He felt a tap on his shoulder and when he turned, the waitress was next to him smiling and biting her lips in a provocative manner. The girl then extended her hand and gave Jaehyun a piece of paper.

“Umm text me later, yeah?” She jerked her head towards Yuta, who had snorted and tried to cover it with a cough, and glared at him before turning her attention back to Jaehyun. “See you.” She waved her fingers at him and left.

Jaehyun fastened the zipper of his coat and stayed quiet as he tried to suppress a laugh. He didn’t want to make the girl feel bad. Because he would never call her, but she didn’t know that, it wasn’t her fault. He also avoided eye contact with Yuta, knowing a simple gaze would cause him to burst in laughter. Instead, Jaehyun shoved him towards the exit.

“Man, your ears went all red.” Yuta commented as they wandered along the street. “Did you like her, Jaehyunnie?”

“Shut up.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes and took the paper out of his pocket; he crumpled it and threw it in the first bin he could find.

Yuta giggled. He loved making Jaehyun shy. “I got scared. She almost killed me.”

“Maybe because you laughed at her? You are evil.”

“I’m sorry, I’m drunk. It was funny watching her try to get your attention.” Yuta rubbed his arms and buried his face deeper in the collar of his jacket. “God, I’m freezing.”

“I know, me too. And we’ve been walking around for the past ten minutes without destination.” Jaehyun laughed, bumping his shoulder with Yuta’s.

“I mean, I don’t know if it’s because I’m drunk, but I’m having so much fun.” 

“So you get bored when we hang out and you are not drunk?” Jaehyun gasped. “And here I was, thinking of making you a really nice dinner to show you my gratitude for always being there for me. I feel betrayed.”

“It’s not my problem you only let your true self out when you are wasted.” Yuta giggled before running towards the park on the other block.

Jaehyun followed him immediately. Running at all speed and catching up with Yuta in no time. His stomach churned with every bounce of his body, and Jaehyun thought he would have to stop and throw up right there on the street. But he didn’t care. Jaehyun laughed loudly when he reached the park first and heard the childlike cries Yuta let out from behind him. It was such a long time since Jaehyun had been this free; he felt all his problems and concerns fading away. His heart swelled with pure joy.

Jaehyun stumbled on his feet, not only because of how drunk he was but because Yuta had thrown himself on his back, wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. They were cackling like kids as they lost balance and fell on the grass, with Yuta still clinging onto Jaehyun’s back.

“Hyung, I can’t breathe.” Jaehyun said in between laughter, half of his face pressed into the cold grass.

Yuta rolled onto his back next to Jaehyun. “Ah, I haven’t laughed this much in like…I don’t know, forever.”

A groan came out of Jaehyun’s lips as he propped on his elbows. He looked at Yuta with a smile on his face. He observed the way Yuta closed his eyes and let out a content sigh. Yuta was so pretty. The light of the lamppost made his red hair contrast perfectly with the bright grass. Jaehyun wanted to take a picture of him. Yuta was so pretty. He thought again.

“Are you and Taeyong doing well?” Jaehyun asked, even though he kind of knew the answer. He wanted Yuta to say it out loud; maybe talking it out would help him a little.

It wasn’t hard to notice Yuta and Taeyong were in a weird stage in their relationship. Their friends noticed how Taeyong would sit on the opposite side of Yuta when they were all having dinner. Which was odd because when some of the guys tried to sit next to Yuta in the past, Taeyong would complain that he wanted to be the one sitting next to his boyfriend even though he had Yuta all to himself everyday. Taeyong also started going out more with his new friends from his second job. And he often avoided kissing Yuta in public when he was always the first one to pull Yuta to his body and kiss him no matter who was around.

So yeah, the answer was obvious. 

Yuta shook his head and looked at Jaehyun with a pout on his lips. And Jaehyun hated himself for ruining the mood and make Yuta’s smile die down.

“Not really, I think he got sick of me.” He chuckled. A sad expression taking all over his face.

“That’s bullshit, who could get sick of you?”

“My boyfriend, by the looks of it.”

When he met Yuta and Taeyong, it was right at the beginning of their relationship six years ago. Jaehyun thought they were the perfect match. They were best friends since they were kids so they knew everything about each other; all their preferences in food, clothes and music, when to leave the other alone, how to comfort each other, what made them laugh the most. It was beautiful. They didn't need to speak to know what the other was thinking. 

Jaehyun felt admiration and sometimes a little bit of jealousy, because that was all he wanted in a relationship.

Then Jaehyun met Doyoung, and he thought he could make it work and be like Yuta and Taeyong.

Jaehyun didn’t get what he wanted in the end. That was okay though, because they loved each other, and they made it work their own way. Or at least, that was what Jaehyun used to think, lately…he was not so sure about it. 

Jaehyun clicked his tongue in annoyance. “That’s not possible, I’m telling you. Maybe he has some stuff going on? Give it time.”

Yuta hummed. “Taeyong just- he pushes me away, you know? He was never like that, and if he had a problem, he would always come to me and we would talk things out. Fix it together.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “But now we hardly see each other. And that’s weird because we work at the same place, we live together, how can that be possible, right? I feel like he is avoiding me.”

Jaehyun nodded his head and didn’t say anything else. It was the first time Jaehyun had heard Yuta speaking like that. It pained him to hear the sadness and frustration in his voice. Jaehyun didn't really know what to say to make Yuta feel better. He wanted to comfort Yuta, but he didn't know how. 

Perhaps it was the alcohol on Jaehyun that was making him confused. But at that moment, he wanted to reach out and run his fingers through Yuta’s hair, hide his face against his neck and just lay there.

“How about you and Doyoung?” Yuta asked, taking Jaehyun out of his thoughts.

Jaehyun huffed. “You know how he is, work is his priority.”

“Mhm Doyoung the workaholic.” Yuta laughed, but stopped as soon as he saw Jaehyun looking down and biting the inside of his cheek. “Talk to him, make him understand. I mean, you have your needs too. It’s not fair that you don’t get your cuddles and kisses.”

“Will you talk to Yongie too?” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at Yuta.

Yuta extended his hand and swiped his finger over Jaehyun’s cheek to remove a little piece of grass stuck there while he said. “It’s different, Jaehyunnie. Taeyong and I had no problems, and now he is behaving distant all of a sudden. There’s more to it. And maybe I’m scared to ask, to know.” His teeth started chattering due to the cold and the damp grass beneath him. “Doyoung just works a lot, but I’m sure he still loves you.”

“I don’t think we deserve this treatment though.” Jaehyun commented. “Look at us; we are lying down here on the cold grass when we could be warm at home, watching movies in bed and cuddling with our boyfriends.”

The alcohol was definitely making Jaehyun bolder; he moved closer to Yuta and lay half on top of him.

“Wh- what are y- you doing?” Yuta stuttered, a panicked laugh leaving his lips.

“You are cold, hyung, I’m just trying to shield you from the cold.”

“Okay.” Yuta whispered.

Jaehyun sighed and rested his head on Yuta’s shoulder. He enjoyed being like that with Yuta, maybe a little too much. It wasn’t uncomfortable or weird. So they remained like that for a while.

“I know I said it many times before but, thank you for always being there for me.” Jaehyun pulled away, his face inches away from Yuta. “You really can’t imagine how much I appreciate you.” His words were a bit slurred.

Yuta smiled, nodding his head. “I appreciate you too. You don’t have to make me dinner or anything, I’m glad I can make you feel better. At least, I hope I'm doing that. And umm, I always have a wonderful time with you, drunk or not. You are always funny when we are together, not just when you are drunk. Sometimes I wonder why though…”

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“It’s like when we are all together, our group of friends, you act differently. All composed and stiff, acting like a perfect doll as if you are trying to- I don’t know, impress someone?” Yuta frowned. He then patted Jaehyun’s head and smiled. “And I- I always like you, don’t get me wrong, but I like you better when it’s just the two of us, you know? I get to truly see who you are. I like that.”

Yuta was right; he was trying to look perfect for Doyoung. People used to say Jaehyun was like a prince; he was well mannered, a true gentleman, and his looks only contributed to it. Doyoung also admitted to him that his prince-like aura was what attracted him the most in the first place. So of course Jaehyun would keep acting that way. He wanted to be the perfect boyfriend for perfect Doyoung and his perfect ironed shirts and slacks.

Jaehyun felt the pressure and the need to oblige and be what people wanted him to be. What they thought he was.

So hearing Yuta say that he liked Jaehyun more when he wasn’t acting all prince-like, it was overwhelming. Jaehyun didn’t have to pretend to be someone else when he was with him because Yuta liked him just the way he was.

After a few seconds of not getting an answer, Yuta thought he had offended his friend by saying those things. He didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable or upset. “I’m sorry, Jaehyunnie. Did it bother you?”

With some struggle, Jaehyun swallowed the knot that had formed in his throat and shook his head. It didn’t bother him at all.

He felt his heart beating faster and faster, and he couldn’t stop watching Yuta’s face. Now, he always thought Yuta was beautiful. Everyone could see it. But there was something about that night that made Yuta even more beautiful in Jaehyun’s eyes. And it wasn’t the alcohol running through his veins, he was sure of it. His eyes would go from his big, glossy eyes to his full, pink lips. He felt hypnotized.

And before Jaehyun could realize, he was already leaning down. He pressed his lips against Yuta in the softest kiss. Just a simple touch that made Jaehyun want more, he needed more. In his intoxicated mind, Jaehyun could still know it wasn’t okay, and yet, he pressed harder. He brought a hand to Yuta’s cheek and ran his thumb back and forth. 

When he saw Yuta wasn’t putting any resistance, on the contrary, he slightly opened his mouth, Jaehyun kept going. It didn’t feel wrong; it felt natural, just like everything involving their relationship.

Yuta opened his eyes, and in a sudden movement, he pulled away from Jaehyun. He held his hand over his mouth and looked at Jaehyun with wide eyes.

The both of them stood up, frozen in place. What were they supposed to say?

“Oh God, Jae, what did we do?” Yuta breathed out, pacing back and forth in front of him.

Jaehyun shook his head and grabbed Yuta’s wrist to stop him. “Hyung-“

“What the fuck did we do?” Yuta looked at Jaehyun’s face with tears in his eyes.

“Yuta, calm down. It was just a mistake, alright?”

“Okay, okay…we are drunk, right?” Yuta said as if he was trying to convince himself that it was indeed a mistake. He didn’t blame Jaehyun. And as long as none of them said anything, things were going to be okay.

The panic was clear in Yuta’s voice, Jaehyun noticed, and he hated seeing Yuta like that because of him. Jaehyun wiped Yuta’s tears away with his thumbs and cupped his face. “It was just a drunken mistake, yes.”

“We won’t say anything, right?” Yuta was desperate.

Jaehyun shook his head. “Nothing happened, we’ll just move on as if nothing happened. We’ll forget about it. Our friendship will be the same, too. Nothing will change, hyung. I promise.”

Jaehyun pulled his friend into a tight hug, letting him cry on his shoulder. He rubbed Yuta’s back and hummed softly until Yuta finally calmed down and they were ready to go home.

That same night, while Jaehyun was lying in bed thinking about what had happened, it didn’t matter how many times he repeated to himself that it was just a drunken mistake. Deep down, Jaehyun knew it wasn’t.

Jaehyun thought of Doyoung and how fucked up their relationship was, how much farther away they were from the relationship Jaehyun had always wanted to have. The past few months with Doyoung made Jaehyun reconsider their decision of being together again; none of their friends knew it because they didn’t want to burden anyone with their troubles, but Jaehyun and Doyoung had broken up two, almost three times in the past four months. And the reason was always the same: Doyoung prioritizing work over Jaehyun.

Doyoung always promised he would change and be more mindful of the things that bothered Jaehyun. He said he would spend more time with him and make their relationship work. But none of that happened. Doyoung broke his promises every time, and Jaehyun was tired of it. He didn’t deserve it. He put everything into their relationship. It wasn't fair.

Jaehyun wanted to have dates and receive texts asking how he was doing, he needed someone to say they missed him and no matter how tired they were they would find a bit of time to see each other; Jaehyun needed someone willing to listen to him ramble about those annoying teachers at work that wouldn’t stop flirting with him and the parents that thought they knew more than him. And when Jaehyun thought about a person with all those traits, Yuta was always the one popping into his mind.

So Jaehyun could say it was a mistake all he wanted and he could have said Yuta that things wouldn’t change and their friendship would remain the same. 

But Jaehyun knew after that kiss, things were never going be like they used to.


	2. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo there is a reason I don't do multi chaptered fics and that's because I forget to update them lol I'M SO SORRY :(
> 
> Let's hope the next chapter doesn't take me too long.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for all the lovely comments and the kudos, they are always appreciated. And sorry if there's any mistakes, I just wanted to update fast.

Yuta wished he had been so drunk that he couldn't remember anything from the night before. But he did, and it was driving him insane. When he turned his head and saw Taeyong lying next to him, not glued to him like they used to sleep, but he was still there, Yuta started crying. The guilt he felt was eating him alive. And while he stood there motionless, staring at Taeyong's back, Yuta contemplated if he should confess, say it was a mistake and pray to all the gods Taeyong would understand. But then Yuta remembered he wasn't the only one involved. Jaehyun was a part of it too, and he was their friend, not a stranger. He thought of lying, say it was a random guy. But that option was disregarded immediately because that wasn't something Yuta would do, and Taeyong knew that. So with Jaehyun in the picture, he couldn't do much about it. He needed to think about the consequences it could bring to Jaehyun if he decided, on his own, to speak up.

Speaking to Jaehyun was another thing that concerned Yuta to death. They had been friends for years now, and for the first time ever, it scared Yuta to see Jaehyun in person again. The thought of being awkward with him was something he dreaded.

There was something else that Yuta couldn’t stop thinking; and it was the way Jaehyun kissed him and how he caressed his cheek so softly with his thumb. It reminded him of the way Taeyong used to treat him, and that had Yuta panicking because it wasn’t supposed to feel like that. But it could be possible that his mind was playing tricks on him, after all, he was drunk.

Yuta needed to stop thinking about it. It was just a mistake; not only were they drunk, but they weren't in the best moment with their partners either. Yeah, that was it. There was no need to make a big deal out of the situation when they knew it was a meaningless moment between them. Yuta thought. He will get over it. Jaehyun was in love with Doyoung, and Yuta was in love with Taeyong, there was no doubt about it. And he and Taeyong were together for a long time. He couldn't throw away six years of relationship because of a drunken mistake.

The days kept passing, and Yuta couldn’t stop following Taeyong around. He was so remorseful that he wanted to be with him all the time, forget about that stupid kiss with his best friend, and move forward with Taeyong. But evidently, being clingy was Yuta's other mistake, because his boyfriend would huff when Yuta snuggled into him more than necessary and would pull away when their kisses became heated. Yuta didn't blame Taeyong for feeling annoyed, he was sure he would have felt the same in his place. But he was selfish, and he couldn't help it, because being a loving boyfriend was the only way Yuta could ease his own pain, in part.

"Yuta!"

Yuta jerked his head up only to find Taeyong scowling at him. He had been so absorbed in his thoughts he hadn't noticed his boyfriend calling his name.

"Y- yeah?" Yuta blinked while he finished buttoning his pants.

Taeyong shook his head. "I said, I will get later to Johnny's."

Johnny had invited them for dinner at his house, and the first thing that came to Yuta’s head was that he would have to face Jaehyun after they…yeah. Yuta didn’t want to think about it anymore. But it was inevitable. They would have to see each other at some point, so it was fine. 

"Why?" Yuta let out a deep sigh. His mood became sour in just a second.

"Baekhyun and I are working on his songs and the deadline is close. So we need all the time we can get." Taeyong explained.

Now every time they all got together, Taeyong would put up an excuse not to go. Yuta hated all the questions his boyfriend's absence brought. And he hated, even more, when he looked at his friends arrive hand in hand with their lovers.

Since Yuta noticed Taeyong’s weird behavior, he thought and thought about what could be the reason for such a thing. And as much as he tried, he couldn’t figure out why. It happened all of a sudden. Taeyong would come home late and he was in a constant bad mood, he would lock in his studio at home and work on music, or whatever the hell it was that he was doing, and ignore Yuta completely.

He tried to speak with Taeyong about it but the other brushed him off, saying he was just stressed from work. Taeyong had recently started a new project with music; writing and producing for other artists was something Taeyong loved, he was over the moon when he saw the faces of the people he worked for light up when hearing what he had done. Yuta understood that Taeyong was tired; his schedule was too packed already, and it wasn’t easy to fit all his activities in one day and make it work without having to sacrifice hours of sleep. He was still figuring things out. Yuta supported him, and he would have been okay if his boyfriend would have let him be part of it and not push him aside.

And even though Yuta did everything he had in his power to lessen his boyfriend’s burdens, such as get home earlier, cook and keep the house clean just so Taeyong could rest as soon as he was free from work, Taeyong kept acting the same. He even took some of Taeyong's classes so the other could make it in time to his new meetings, and still, his boyfriend didn’t acknowledge Yuta’s efforts, and that hurt. Taeyong didn’t need to say thank you all the time, Yuta didn’t want that. They showed how grateful they were towards each other with little actions, kisses and hugs, and casual dates. But somewhere along the way, Taeyong seemed to forget about that.

Yuta also understood that they didn’t need to spend all their time attached to each other. It was enough that they shared an apartment and owned a dance studio together. Having time on their own was something they appreciated.

Yuta couldn’t wait for the old Taeyong to come back. Then maybe he wouldn't have been thinking so much about that night with Jaehyun. That night was constantly in the back of his head.

It was just a drunken kiss with his best friend. Why couldn’t he let go of it?

"Okay, whatever." Yuta shrugged, tired of his boyfriend's behavior.

"Are you upset?"

Yuta checked himself in the mirror and ruffled his hair up. "No." He really wasn’t. Yuta wanted Taeyong to show him some love. Was that too much to ask?

Taeyong slipped his arms around Yuta from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder, staring at their reflection in the mirror. A little grin playing on his lips. "Don't be mad, Yukkuri." He said before planting a soft kiss on his neck.

There it was, that ridiculous nickname that made Yuta's heart swell with affection. It didn’t matter how angry Yuta was, every time Taeyong called him by that nickname, it was enough to have his knees buckling.

"I'm not mad, Yong." Yuta's hands found Taeyong's and laced their fingers together. He would take every ounce of love Taeyong will give him.

Taeyong chuckled. "Then why are you pouting? Huh?" He turned Yuta around and leaned down to kiss his lips.

Yuta smiled into the kiss and circled his arms around Taeyong's neck, relaxing as Taeyong swung them slightly from side to side. He pulled away and pecked his boyfriend's lips. Yuta missed him. He missed Taeyong's hugs, he missed having movie dates at home, and he missed Taeyong smiling genuinely at him, because the only smiles he got from him now were sad ones.

“It’s just- I miss you, that’s all.” Yuta replied as sincere as he could. A lump formed in his throat because the image of Jaehyun kissing him came to his mind. He wanted to tell him. Taeyong deserved to know the truth. But he couldn’t do it. No matter how honest he knew he should be, he knew that Taeyong wouldn’t forgive him. And Yuta couldn’t bear the thought of losing the best friend he ever had, the person that was by his side since day one.

“I know I’m not being the best boyfriend at the moment,” Taeyong’s voice was low, wavering with each spoken word, “and I- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

When he looked at Taeyong in the eyes, there was something odd in the other’s expression; sorrow? Sadness? For the first time since he met Taeyong, Yuta couldn’t decipher his feelings. It was always easy for him to read Taeyong. Mainly because the other didn’t have a problem sharing his feelings with Yuta. He was always honest and transparent. Now it felt like he was looking at a stranger. Taeyong was hiding things from him, but he didn’t have the right to recriminate anything. Not now.

Taeyong rubbed his thumb over Yuta’s cheek. And for the third time in less than ten minutes, Yuta thought of Jaehyun, about the way he did the same and how different it had felt. While he felt Jaehyun’s touch filled with tenderness, there wasn’t gentleness in Taeyong’s action anymore. He shook his thoughts away and focused on the man in front of him. The man he had chosen to spend the rest of his life with. His boyfriend, Taeyong, who made him the happiest.

Yuta could wait for Taeyong to return to him as long as necessary. It was the least he could do after what he had done.

"Please, try to make it this time." Yuta ran his fingers through Taeyong's chocolate hair and smiled.

Taeyong winked at Yuta and let go of him. He grabbed his bag in a hurry and made his way out of the apartment.

Yuta's heart ached when Taeyong didn't kiss him goodbye, and it hurt even more when Taeyong didn't say 'I love you'. He wasn’t hearing it much these days.

Facing Jaehyun again after what happened, turned out to be more difficult than he thought. They had texted here and there and tried to make it seem as if that kiss never existed, but it was clear none of them knew what to say now that they were face to face. Yuta couldn't look Jaehyun in the eyes without feeling shy. And not to mention the overwhelming guilt he felt when he greeted Doyoung with a hug.

And what else could have happened? The only available place to sit at the table was right next to Jaehyun. And to think they were so comfortable with each other a week ago. Yuta could sense the anxiety radiating from his friend. He noticed the way Jaehyun got all stiff when he had to lean a little into him so Yuta could take the chopsticks Ten was handling him. It was awkward, and Yuta didn't like that. He needed things to go back to the way they were before that damned kiss, and he was determined to make it happen. Yuta valued Jaehyun’s friendship too much to let it go to the waste because of one mistake.

"Will Taeyong abandon us again?" Johnny asked.

Yuta groaned, chewing on his food. "Most likely. He is working on some new lyrics with a guy and they have a limited time to get it done."

Ten frowned, confused. "They have all day to do that, why do they need to work this late?"

That was what Yuta wanted to know, too.

"Don't know." Yuta shrugged. Too tired of not knowing how to excuse Taeyong's attitude, because he didn’t even know the answer himself. And he probably looked like an idiot. He actually felt like an idiot because Taeyong was his boyfriend and Yuta didn't know what was happening. It was embarrassing and pathetic.

"Guys, you don't get it," Doyoung commented, "sometimes work takes a lot of your time. And to deliver something perfect that will get you to the top, you may have to make sacrifices. It will be worth it in the end."

Despite how guilty Yuta felt towards Doyoung, he couldn't help but want to punch him in the face. It was bound to happen that a workaholic like him would side with Taeyong. Doyoung didn't understand what feeling neglected by your own boyfriend felt like.

"Yeah, but you can't let work consume you." Johnny interjected.

Thank god someone stepped in because Yuta was ready to fight.

"It's true that it'll be worth it and will get you a bigger paycheck or a better position in your job. But I believe sacrificing your relationship with others; it's not worth it in the absolute. You may never get them back." Johnny reasoned.

Jaehyun hummed, agreeing with Johnny. "I think you have to find a balance between work and your personal life. You can't just take the people around you for granted." That was totally directed to Doyoung.

And Doyoung knew that very well. “It's easy for you to say that. Being a teacher doesn't hold much responsibility, you read them a book, make them draw and teach them two plus two is four. And when you finish your day at school, that's it! You don't think about them until you see them the next day. You could even plan the day as you go if you wanted to. It's easy." Doyoung’s voice didn’t hold any seriousness and he probably didn’t mean to hurt his boyfriend. But oh well...

It wasn't new that Doyoung would say something like that to Jaehyun. In fact, it had been happening since the day they met. He found it absurd that someone as smart, dedicated, and with endless possibilities as Jaehyun would choose to work with kids at a school. It started as a joke. It's still a joke. At least to Doyoung, because for Jaehyun, it's a constant reminder that he is not good enough.

Yuta saw Jaehyun clenching his hand on his lap. They talked about this issue before. So Yuta knew exactly how Jaehyun felt because he had told him himself. Jaehyun even considered changing careers. He thought that way, Doyoung would be proud of him and see him as a man. It took several conversations for Yuta to convince his friend he didn't have to and shouldn't change for anyone. If being a teacher for the rest of his life made Jaehyun happy, then it was more than okay. He shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone but himself.

Yuta didn't know why, or perhaps he did, but in the next second, he found himself wrapping his hand over Jaehyun's under the table. As soon as their hands touched, Yuta could feel Jaehyun relaxing as his fist opened slightly and wiggled his fingers as if he was trying to lace them with Yuta's, and that made his breath catch in his throat. Yuta would never admit it, but he liked that Jaehyun was seeking comfort in him. He wanted his friend to know that he had his back; it didn’t matter how awkward they were at the moment. Yuta wouldn’t stop supporting him.

"It doesn't matter what type of job you have." Jaehyun frowned at his boyfriend sitting in front of him. He was struggling for his words not to turn out harsh. They weren’t alone and Jaehyun didn’t want to go into an argument with Doyoung and make their friends uncomfortable. "All I'm saying is that you need to dedicate the same time and put the same passion, if not even more, into your relationship as you do with your job."

The feeling of Yuta's hand in his was enough for him to stay calm. And if it wasn't for him, Jaehyun would have exploded. He was a patient guy; his friends even teased him about it because Jaehyun took everything too lightly. On most occasions, he would think with his heart. And sometimes, as to not hurt people, Jaehyun couldn't help but bottle up his feelings. Those accumulated feelings had to come out at some point and Jaehyun had a lot on his mind at the moment. But it wasn't the right time to say anything. Having Yuta as an anchor was something Jaehyun was grateful for.

Ten cleared his throat, evidently having caught on the sudden tension that developed between the couple. Sometimes he wondered if Doyoung liked to make Jaehyun upset on purpose. "I mean, work is important, of course, but the person beside you comes first, no matter what.”

Doyoung let out a giggle. "I was joking, you know that. Don't take it too seriously, baby."

Yuta felt like his hand burned at the word 'baby'. It is then that he remembered Doyoung was Jaehyun's boyfriend. He shouldn't have been running his thumb back and forth over Jaehyun's knuckles as if it was something they did often. In all honesty, Yuta hadn’t realized he did that. He felt ashamed.

Yuta straightened in his seat and kept on eating, avoiding looking anywhere. Although he could feel Jaehyun’s eyes on him, Yuta wasn’t brave enough to return the gesture. It was too much.

They left the conversation there. None of them wanted to start a war. 

"How is Taeil, anyway?" Doyoung asked Johnny.

Yuta's smile was wide and sincere as he looked at Johnny and waited for his response. That exchange between Doyoung and Jaehyun made everyone nervous. But Yuta was glad that the mention of Taeil cleared all the discomfort in the air.

At a first glimpse, Johnny seemed intimidating; he was tall, broad, and his strong, piercing eyes were enough to make you want to look away. Once you got to know him though, it was a pleasant surprise to find out how caring and attentive person Johnny was with those around him. He was super friendly with everyone, but he was also extremely picky when it came to forming bonds with people. You had to gain his trust. And that wasn't a simple task.

Yuta had been the one who introduced Taeil to the group. He would never forget Johnny's face when he met the older. He swore he had never seen Johnny's eyes glowing so much when looking at someone before. It was pure adoration from the beginning. It took Johnny a few tries to make Taeil agree to go on a date with him. That was the happiest Yuta had seen Johnny, of course, until he got Taeil to tell him he loved him. Johnny almost threw a party because of that.

Johnny's face was indescribable. His expression when they would talk about Taeil was beautiful beyond words.

Yuta remembered Taeyong looking at him with so much love and affection that no one would doubt they were in love. Now he barely got Taeyong to even spare him a glance.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Yuta suppressed the tears that wished to come out and concentrated on his friend.

"I actually think he forgot about me on that trip with his parents." Johnny pouted jokingly. "He texts me twice a day, and that’s a lot to say."

"Or maybe you are too clingy and he is demanding his own space?" Ten pointed out, laughing when he received a slap on the arm from Johnny.

It was a knowing fact that Johnny was the most affectionate from the two. Taeil wasn't very expressive of his feelings, and he wasn’t fond of skinship when people were around. But that was because he was shy. No one mistrusted even for a second how much Taeil loved Johnny.

Ten's words left Yuta thinking. Was he being too clingy to Taeyong? It could be possible. In his attempts to make Taeyong talk, confide his troubles with him, and try to be the best companion, it could be causing the opposite effect and push Taeyong away. Maybe Yuta was suffocating him without realizing, and that was the reason their relationship wasn’t working as smoothly as before. Yuta really wanted to believe that, because the other options were too painful to even think about them.

"Shut up, Taeil loves me and he loves when I cling onto him, be sure of it." Johnny said with a smug smile on his face.

“Ugh, you are disgusting! Who would like a clingy boyfriend?” Ten looked at Doyoung and asked. "Doie, do you like it when Jaehyun is clingy?"

Doyoung pulled a face at Ten. "Sometimes, yeah." He didn’t sound convinced at all.

"But is he clingy?" Johnny put his elbows on the table and leaned forward. Wanting to hear embarrassing stuff so he could make fun of Jaehyun later.

"I suppose."

"What do you mean you suppose?" Yuta snorted. He couldn't help himself. Jaehyun was a very affectionate guy, but Doyoung was overly busy to notice or care. "Even I know Jaehyun is clingy as fuck."

"Wow, thanks hyung." Jaehyun commented next to him, pinching Yuta's thigh playfully.

Yuta looked at Jaehyun and smirked. "What? You are!" He chuckled, jerking away as Jaehyun reached out to pinch him again.

"You are clingy too!" Jaehyun's tone was accusatory.

"But I admit it. You like to pretend you are all tough and anti-hugs when in reality you are just a big softie." Yuta giggled between words, and he looked at his friend with a defiant smile. "You are a big baby, that's what you are."

"I second that." Johnny commented.

Jaehyun gasped and looked at Johnny as if he betrayed him. "No way!" Then he looked at Ten and gave him his best puppy eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that. It’s not gonna work. I agree with them.” Ten nodded.

Jaehyun crossed his arms over his chest and murmured. “Such nice friends I have.”

For a moment, they acted as how they used to. It brought some kind of hope to Yuta know they could be like they used to. It was all he wanted.

"Well," Doyoung cleared his throat, "To be honest, Jaehyun doesn't cling onto me that much."

"Maybe you are not aware of that because half of the time you guys are cuddling or something, you are thinking of what your next move on work should be instead of focusing on Jae." Ten squealed when Doyoung stood up and started smacking him on the back, making them laugh at Ten’s attempts to dodge Doyoung's hits.

"Shut up, you asshole."

"Okay, okay, stop fighting." Johnny pulled them apart, still giggling when Ten hid behind him in search of protection. "You can continue once you are out of my house. Let's finish our dinner in peace."

The night rolled so quickly and they had so much fun, that Yuta barely had time to process the fact that Taeyong wasn't there.

"Is Taeyong not coming to pick you up?" Ten hugged Yuta, snuggling into him.

"Nah, it's fine though. It's not like I was expecting he would." Yuta replied, hugging Ten back and watching as Doyoung kissed Jaehyun on the cheek.

He lied. Yuta thought Taeyong would make it at least to pick him up and spend a few minutes with them. He had too much faith in the guy. And Yuta’s heart got crushed a little bit more.

He quickly averted his eyes from the scene in front of him. It made him feel uneasy seeing them being affectionate like that. Yuta was confident it was the guilt burning his chest, because none of the lovely actions between them had ever bothered Yuta before.

"Ugh, what is wrong with Taeyong? Want me to slap some sense into him? 'Cause I gladly will." Ten’s voice showed how annoyed he was at his other friend.

Yuta didn’t need to look at Ten to know he had a big frown on his pretty face. He was very overprotective of Yuta. "It's fine, Ten. We'll pull through it."

Yuta hoped they would.

Ten nodded against Yuta's neck and tightened his arms around him. "If you decide to leave him, hit me up. I'm single at the moment, but if I'm not, don’t worry. I will literally leave anyone for you."

Yuta laughed at his best friend's flirty comment and tried to push him away, obviously with no success because Ten had a very strong grip on him.

Ten pulled away from the hug and squished Yuta’s cheeks in his hands. “Come on, baby. I’ll take you home.”

“Alright, thank you.”

Yuta regretted looking at Jaehyun as soon as Ten walked away from him because it seemed Jaehyun took this as an invitation and approached him with careful steps. Not that he didn’t want to speak to Jaehyun, but the thought of being near him and having Doyoung around them sent shivers down his spine.

Jaehyun put his hands in his pockets and he couldn’t stop gnawing at his lip due to the uncertainty crawling up his skin. He didn’t know if Yuta wanted him close, or even if he wanted to speak to him. He had texted him and he assured it wouldn't happen again. But one thing was talking over text and other so much different was facing each other. Things were okay while having dinner, but maybe it was because their friends were there. They were supposed to forget about it and act as usual because what if their friends noticed something weird about the way they behaved? They couldn’t let that happen.

"Are you waiting for Taeyong?" It was the first thing Jaehyun asked. The tip of his ears felt hot.

Yuta shifted his weight from one foot to the other, obviously feeling uncomfortable, Jaehyun noticed. Yet he didn't know if that uncomfortable feeling was because of the question or because of Jaehyun's proximity. He hoped for the former. Although he knew it wasn’t. And that hurt him a little.

"Umm no, he said he would let me know, but it’s already late so yeah, I can’t wait for him." Yuta shrugged and let out a chuckle. His heart felt like it could burst out of his chest at any moment for being so close to Jaehyun.

"Oh." Jaehyun scratched the back of his neck. "Do you want a ride? It's on my way home so..." He grimaced internally at his stupidity. Of course Yuta knew it was on his way, he had taken him and Taeyong on several occasions. They were friends. Yuta knew where he lived. Why was he embarrassing himself so much?

Yuta shot him a smile and shook his head. "Ten said he is driving me. Thank you." He was sure he couldn’t have endured sharing a ride with Doyoung and Jaehyun, being all awkward on the backseat. He probably would have jumped out of the car.

The younger glanced behind him where Doyoung was chatting to Ten and Johnny, and then turned back to Yuta, who was studying the cuff of his jacket and scraping his nail over it as if there was something sticking to it. Jaehyun knew there was nothing wrong with Yuta's jacket. It was perfectly clean.

Jaehyun felt like he was asphyxiating. He couldn't bear Yuta not paying attention to him. It was awful. Yuta was avoiding eye contact, and that made it ten times worse. He was scared of Yuta not wanting him close anymore. If Jaehyun wouldn't have made a move that night, it definitely wouldn't have happened. And Jaehyun couldn't blame Yuta for wanting to cut all ties between them and have a cordial, decent relationship to keep the group intact. It was his fault that they were in the situation they were in.

It was obvious Jaehyun adored Yuta. From the beginning, they had a connection none of their other friends could understand. Yuta actually listened to Jaehyun. He cared and was there for him, wanting nothing in return. So the thought of ruining one of the best relationships he had, it was heartbreaking.

Jaehyun needed to at least, try and fix what he could.

"Hyung."

"Yeah?" Yuta looked up at him briefly before focusing on the people behind Jaehyun. On Doyoung, more specifically. He was paranoid that Doyoung might be hearing them, that he suspected.

"Are you upset with me?" He bit the inside of his cheek.

That question caused Yuta to snap his head towards Jaehyun. He frowned and shook his head. “Why would I be upset with you?”

Jaehyun raised his eyebrows. “You know why.” He whispered. “I’m sorry, Yuta. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“It’s not your fault.” Yuta planted a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder and squeezed him softly. "Jae, it’s the first time we see each other since it happened. I guess it’s normal to feel weird. And you know it meant nothing. You didn’t ruin anything. We'll get over it."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me." His voice quivered, and he was on the verge of crying.

Yuta sighed. He knew the other too much to know how terrible and guilty Jaehyun was feeling. But from Yuta's point of view, it wasn't just Jaehyun the guilty one, he was there too, he kissed Jaehyun back. Seeing Jaehyun all vulnerable and about to cry made Yuta’s heart clench. "I literally clutched your hand earlier because I felt the rage emanating out of you and I wanted you to know that I had your back. I could never feel uncomfortable around you. But I- I get that sudden feeling that they know, you know? And that makes me act differently. That's all. We are good, Jae. We can’t let that be the reason we lose our friendship, right?"

Jaehyun sighed in relief. The doubts were still there. He had a feeling deep in his heart that something was about to change, for better or for worse. "Promise?"

"Everything is fine." Yuta nodded, he lifted his fist and waited for Jaehyun to do their thing.

A big smile took over Jaehyun's face when he bumped his fist with Yuta's and the other pulled him into a bro hug. Jaehyun would try his best not to lose Yuta. To him, it was all that mattered at the moment.

That little conversation with Jaehyun relieved Yuta a lot. His chest seemed somehow lighter because things weren't as bad or messy as he thought they would be. They just needed to talk things out and let things fall into place. He had his best friend back and he couldn’t be happier.

That was the situation regarding his friendship with Jaehyun.

Things with Taeyong though...they weren't as great as he wished they would be. He wasn't there when Yuta got home and he was worried because Taeyong didn't text him either. He called his boyfriend to make sure everything was okay, but Taeyong didn't reply. Yuta figured, no- he knew the other's phone was silent because he hated interruptions when he was working on his music. Knowing that detail eased his nerves a little, and he decided to wait for him.

Fifteen minutes.

Half an hour.

One hour.

It was past one a.m. when Yuta realized it wasn't worth waiting anymore.

It turned out Taeyong showed up around 7 a.m. just right when Yuta was in the kitchen making breakfast.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Taeyong started, leaning down to press a kiss on the corner of Yuta’s mouth, “it was honestly a nightmare-“

“I don’t care, Tae.” Yuta moved his face away from Taeyong. “I just woke up and I don’t want to fight. I don’t have the energy to do that."

"Yuta, I don't want to fight either. Don’t be mad, please. I'm sorry I didn't make it to Johnny's"

"That's not it." Yuta shook his head. There were many reasons Yuta could be mad, and he was foolish enough to let them slip. But Taeyong not giving a fuck about letting Yuta know he was okay, was too much. Taeyong really didn't understand anything. "Maybe next time you should be nice enough to at least let me know you are fine. Because I was fucking worried."

A curse left Taeyong's mouth when he realized he forgot to text Yuta to let him know he would get later than usual.

Yuta chuckled. "You haven't even checked your phone, have you? I called and texted not because I'm a controlling boyfriend, but because it was late and I didn't know if you were okay or if you had eaten. I don't know, anything could have happened."

"Yuta," Taeyong rubbed his face with his hand, "don't be overdramatic."

"I'm not!" Yuta turned around to face Taeyong. "How would you feel if I disappear all night and don’t let you know where I am, or if I’m fine?”

"This is what I mean when I say you are being overdramatic, I didn't disappear. I was at the studio, you knew that.”

There was no point in arguing anymore. With a heavy sigh, Yuta turned back and continued preparing breakfast. He said he didn’t want to fight, and it was true. Fighting wouldn’t lead them anywhere.

Yuta’s tears were ready to fall the moment Taeyong wrapped his arms around him and kissed his cheek.

"I just want you to be more considerate. I know you are busy, but it takes you one minute to text me." His cheeks were already wet with tears. He hated being so emotional.

"My pretty baby," Taeyong tightened his arms around him and pressed his cheek against Yuta’s shoulder, "always supporting me and making sure I'm fine. You are right, I should have let you know. I'm sorry."

"I miss you."

Taeyong didn't reply, he only hugged Yuta.

"Taeyong-"

"I'm trying to figure things out." Taeyong's voice came out cracked and unstable, and Yuta couldn't help but think there was a double meaning behind his words. It wasn't about his schedule anymore, and Yuta wished he could interpret what it meant, but he had no idea.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Yuta grabbed Taeyong's hands and brought it to his lips to place soft kisses all over it. "You don't have to carry the weight on your own."

He felt Taeyong nodding against his shoulder.

"You have been my best friend since we were ten years old, Yuta. I know I can count on you." Taeyong made Yuta face him again and placed a lingering kiss on his lips as some kind of apology for what he was going to say next. "This time though, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but you can't help me. I need to be able to handle it on my own."

There it was again, that double meaning Taeyong seemed to put on his words.

Yuta's lip trembled and his eyes blurred with unshed tears. He had nothing else to say, so he nodded and tried to smile as sincere as he could. And no matter how much he wanted to cry and yell at Taeyong, make him comprehend how useless this whole situation made him feel, putting pressure on him wouldn’t help in the slightest.

It wasn't going to be easy, not when he had a million doubts running around his head and the only thing he wanted to do was help his boyfriend and find a way to make things work. But Taeyong made it clear. Now, the only thing Yuta could do was respect and accompany Taeyong's decisions, and try to be patient. Hope for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, let's see what's next for them :)
> 
> I HOPE YOU ARE ALL SAFE WHEREVER YOU ARE, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND THOSE AROUND YOU.


	3. 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooooo it's been a while, right?   
> I finished this chapter at 5 am while waiting to watch ads on thekking lol so i'm sorry if there are mistakes or inconsistencies i haven't slept properly
> 
> also i had this thought because i saw peachzens and yutazens "fight/discuss/whatever" about who deserves to win that thing on thekking, and I was creating a scenary in my head where they are fighting over that while Yuta and Jaehyun were making out against the wall not giving a shit. I'm the worst 
> 
> anyway.. i hope you enjoy this chapter, I have too many ideas but i struggle to put them into words because english is not even my languaje.
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos, it makes me happy that are people who like this, okay i'll stop now, be safe wherever you are please <3

At one point, the relationship between Jaehyun and Doyoung had gotten noticeably better. Doyoung was still a workaholic, he couldn't change that. After Jaehyun almost broke up with him, Doyoung had been more attentive; he would text him in the morning wishing him a good day, and later to ask how he was doing. Doyoung even spent a few nights at his apartment. Jaehyun had to admit it shocked him when it was his boyfriend the one who suggested they should spend the night together, because he didn't like to sleep with Jaehyun clinging onto him. According to Doyoung, the younger would wrap his arms and legs around him and he was unable to move. He felt suffocated with Jaehyun breathing on his neck and all squished against him. So yeah, it was weird. But Jaehyun thought maybe Doyoung was trying to put some effort into their relationship because he wanted them to work, because he cared about Jaehyun and his feelings and because he loved him enough to make some slight changes. 

It was different, and Jaehyun liked this new side of Doyoung. 

Jaehyun was content. Everything was under control; his job, his relationship with Doyoung was progressing. Things were finally taking course.

Well, not everything was under control. Even though he had cleared things out with Yuta, they still didn't hang out only the two of them since that night. The last time they had met was three weeks ago at Johnny's when they talked and assured each other things were okay. Jaehyun missed him. Of course, they still texted a lot, especially when Yuta would find something funny that knew Jaehyun would like too. Still, three weeks without seeing Yuta or hearing his voice was too much. Maybe it was for the best. Jaehyun guessed they needed some time apart and patch up their respective relationships.

Nonetheless, things were too good to be true. It was as if life didn’t want Jaehyun to be happy, because everything around him started to crumble once again.

Eventually, Doyoung went back to his old self. The texts were becoming less frequent, and from spending three consecutive nights at Jaehyun's place, it went to one, and then zero again. He had tried to put some distance between them while sleeping, and he also repressed the urge of taking Doyoung's hand in his or kiss him out of the blue because Jaehyun knew he didn't like those stuff. However, it was evident that wasn't the issue.

It shouldn't have surprised Jaehyun at all. Things were like that with Doyoung. One step forward, three steps back. But he liked to think this time it was going to be different. He needed things to be different. 

"Doyoung is your day off." Jaehyun spoke on the phone, voice growing heavier with each passing second. "We talked about this before, remember?"

For the past ten minutes, he had been trying to convince his boyfriend to let his work aside and dedicate him some time since they had a free day to be together and have a date or something, anything. That was Jaehyun’s idea of how to spend his Saturday. Doyoung on the other hand, would even take his days off to check contracts twice and be sure there was nothing out of place. He was a perfectionist with everything. The only thing he didn't care to perfect that much was his relationship with Jaehyun. 

“Of course I remember.”

"And what did you say?"

“That I'd try and make more time for you."

"Exactly." Jaehyun chuckled. "Are you even trying?"

“Jaehyun, we've been together a lot these past couple of days.”

That was what it was all about. Doyoung gave Jaehyun what he wanted and needed so he wouldn't leave him, so Doyoung could say he paid him attention and Jaehyun wouldn't be able to recriminate anything. That wasn't how it worked with Jaehyun. He needed constancy, and it seemed Doyoung was incapable of that. It was impossible to fix their relationship with one day of love and two days of Doyoung ignoring him. 

Jaehyun wanted to end things with his boyfriend. Again. For the fourth time in less than three months, give or take. He couldn’t keep count anymore. Yet, the moment he looked at Doyoung getting all teary-eyed, and his lips pursed in a little pout, Jaehyun wasn't brave enough to do it. It broke his heart. Instead, he chose to be the one receiving a very unfair treatment than hurting someone else.

"I'm not saying we should be together all day. But can't you spare an hour, at least?" Jaehyun asked, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "A fucking hour, it's all I'm asking."

"Don't speak at me like that. And you know I would like to see you-"

"But you have to work," Jaehyun interrupted, resigned. He was tired of explaining his feelings. Doyoung didn't understand. Or maybe he did, but he didn't think it was a big deal or cared enough to do something about it. "Yeah, I know. Okay, see you tomorrow, I guess."

"Yes, tomorrow, I'll make it up to you."

Was he?

Jaehyun laughed on the inside. Doyoung would let Jaehyun cling onto him and take him out wherever he wanted, and then they would spend the night together. And the following day? Well, the following day Jaehyun would wake up alone in bed with a post-it note on the pillow (if he got lucky enough) saying he had things to do and that he would call him later. That was it. Jaehyun felt trapped in a constant loop, and no matter how badly he wanted to put an end to it, he couldn't.

Jaehyun didn’t know what he was doing wrong. He considered himself a good boyfriend; he was caring and attentive, and he liked his partner to feel loved whether that'd be through small details or a nice, romantic, and well-planned date where he showed all his affection and made the other person feel special. Being supportive and encouraging with his partner's projects and decisions was something he was also great at. It showed how much he cared and believed in the person he had by his side. Jaehyun liked to give what he wanted to receive. And it should have worked; there was no reason not to. With Doyoung though, no matter what Jaehyun did, it wasn't enough to make him care the way he wanted.

"Okay, I love you." The words left his mouth naturally. It didn't feel like before though. It felt like he said that because he was used to it.

"I love you too. Bye!"

Doyoung even seemed happy for getting what he wanted.

And Jaehyun was left with an uncomfortable pressure on his chest as he kept on bottling things up.

Jaehyun pressed the end call button and threw the phone on the coffee table with too much force, not caring about anything. Yet, he still cursed when he heard a slight cracking sound.

"You have to be kidding me." He muttered. 

Jaehyun picked the phone up, and indeed, the screen was broken. It wouldn't have been a problem if the screen protector was on, he would have gone and replaced it with another one. But he was so dumb that he forgot about it, and now there it was. Jaehyun closed his eyes tight and tipped his head back, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down. He was losing his tolerance with each passing day, and he could feel himself bursting at any moment. It wasn't good at all.

Even when there were bad situations and bad energy around him, Jaehyun was always able to keep a positive mind and work for it not to be as bad as it seemed to be. Except this time it was getting harder and harder. He couldn't keep a smile, no matter how hard he tried.

Nothing seemed to work in his favor; first, Jaehyun was on a probationary period in a very important school, and by the looks of it, he was going to make it permanent. Unfortunately, the director of the school had notified the teachers that they would probably have to reduce staff. Seeing as Jaehyun was the newest and least experienced one, he feared if they did, he would definitely end up getting fired. Although he could live decently well with the salary he was currently getting paid at his first school. This new one had more reputation and it could be a great opportunity to boost his career. Also, he wouldn’t admit it, but he wanted to prove Doyoung that he was capable of getting into a prestigious school by his own efforts.

Second, he couldn't come up with an art project for the kids; it was the time of the year where the primary level held an art demonstration, every level should have a theme, whatever they wanted to pick. Jaehyun had always come up with some pretty interesting stuff that his students absolutely loved. Now he was completely blocked. The deadline for the presentation of his idea was almost over and he didn't know what to do. He had to think fast because he needed to start working with the kids so they could make it on time, but his imagination was suddenly gone.

And third, because of the reasons mentioned before, he felt the need of being held; he wanted cuddles and kisses, someone who would tell him it was going to be okay even if it wasn't true. He wanted to be consoled, feel like someone cared.

As expected, the first person Jaehyun turned to was Doyoung. He was his boyfriend, after all. Who better than him? However, Jaehyun was a fool if he thought his boyfriend would hug him and console him. Doyoung was too busy to be taking care of someone else’s problems. When Jaehyun mentioned his lack of imagination with the art project, Doyoung had said to check on the internet, that it wasn't a big deal. 'They are kids, Jaehyun, just make them draw. Who cares?'

Jaehyun cared. They weren't just kids for him. He loved teaching them new stuff and see their growth, help them when they got stuck with something they had difficulties to learn, and see their little faces lit up with pure happiness when they finally got it. He wasn't going to make them draw whatever because that wasn’t what he wanted to show as a teacher. He wanted his students to feel motivated and creative, push themselves to give the best they had. And for that, Jaehyun needed to show the kids the best he had. But how could he do that when he wasn't feeling his best?

If Jaehyun had to think of someone that would probably lift his mood, his mind only led him to the one who was always willing to listen to him or distract him whenever Jaehyun was down, Yuta. He wanted to call him, just talk with him about whatever would be enough. Although things between them were tricky, they had talked and they were still friends. There was no reason to think Yuta wouldn’t want to speak to him like they used to, right?

After a few minutes of contemplation, Jaehyun grabbed his phone and searched Yuta's contact name, struggling a little because the screen kept on glitching. He hesitated for a while as his thumb danced in the air before finally tapping the call button. Jaehyun's heart was beating frantically, and he wondered if he ever felt this nervous when calling Yuta before. The answer was clear: he never, not even once, felt nervous by talking to Yuta. That was probably one of the things Jaehyun loved the most about his relationship with him; how relaxed they were around each other.

Needless to say, things were a little bit different now. Or at least that was what Jaehyun thought. He supposed it was normal to feel nervous given the situation they were in. It was too soon to stop thinking about that kiss that shouldn't have happened. Maybe Yuta felt the same nervousness at the thought of speaking to him.

"Hi, Jae!"

Yuta's cheerful voice made Jaehyun smile softly. He was wrong to think Yuta would be nervous to speak to him. Yuta made it seem as if that kiss never existed.

Even if Jaehyun was more than glad that their friendship wasn't ruined, his pride hurt a little at the thought of Yuta forgetting about it so quickly because Jaehyun certainly still hadn't forgotten about it. He was drunk, but he still remembered the way Yuta’s lips felt so soft and plump against his own, how he wanted to take more and more with every gentle pull of their lips, every soft glide of their tongues, with every little noise Yuta made. It was so sweet and overwhelming that Jaehyun thought he would never get over it.

"Hey, umm are you busy at the moment?" He looked at the clock and grimaced, knowing Yuta was probably still at the studio.

"I'm on a break right now. Why?"

"Oh, sorry, it was nothing." Jaehyun quickly apologized. "I'll let you-"

"I'm free in half an hour though. Wanna meet?” Yuta interrupted.

Why couldn't Doyoung be the same? Jaehyun thought. 

Jaehyun bit his lip, nodding. For a second, he forgot Yuta couldn't see him making all those gestures and cleared his throat. "I need a new phone, and umm, I don't know, I thought maybe we could go for lunch. If you want." He touched his cheek with the back of his hand and closed his eyes tight when he realized it was warmer than five minutes ago, and most likely, pink too. Why was he blushing for? "It's been a while since we've seen each other so..."

Yuta let out a chuckle and said, "Sure! I could use some shopping too. But come pick me up.”

"Cool! Yeah. I'll pick you up."

"See you in a bit then, bye Jaehyunnie!"

"Bye, hyung."

There was a foolish grin on Jaehyun's lips as they hung up. 

It wasn't fair that the attention Jaehyun wanted only got it from Yuta and not his boyfriend. Even though Yuta was his friend and didn't have a problem listening to him, Jaehyun felt like a burden. No matter how many times Yuta said he didn't mind, and that he was happy Jaehyun confided in him, he couldn't help but feel bad for always turning to Yuta with his problems. But sometimes Jaehyun was selfish, and he really needed to be with his friend at the moment.

Jaehyun walked inside the studio and went straight to the room where he knew Yuta was. The door was ajar, and the music could be heard. He was really curious, so he peered inside.

His breath got caught in his throat when he saw Yuta dancing; it was gorgeous, hypnotizing. Two more guys were dancing along with him, but Jaehyun could only focus on Yuta, in the way his pretty hands twisted and his fingers delicately danced in the air. Yuta’s movements were so smooth and precise, yet so powerful. He knew exactly what he was doing. He put so much heart into his dancing that it was impossible not to notice how much Yuta loved it.

With each stride Yuta made, Jaehyun became more and more lost in thoughts. It felt like he could watch him for hours and he’d never get bored.

Jaehyun had asked once what had driven Yuta to become a choreographer, and the other had told him every time he danced, he felt free, that even if he was angry, happy, or lost, he would put all those emotions into his routine and everything would fade away. It was like an escape from reality. That was the reason he wanted to teach people how to dance; he wanted them to have fun with it, but he also wanted to teach them how to express themselves in other ways that weren’t with words, relieve them from all the stress and problems they might have. Dancing for Yuta wasn’t just about following steps; it was about pouring all his emotions into one choreography and touch people’s hearts.

At the moment, Jaehyun couldn’t tell what Yuta was feeling, but he definitely was expressing something.

Jaehyun could clearly see Yuta’s fierce side through his movements and facial expression. It differed completely from his personality when he wasn’t dancing that Jaehyun wondered if they were the same person. But when he thought about it, there was no doubt it was just Yuta, the Yuta he was used to, because even if he was kind and goofy and would always have a smile on his face, he was also decided and he could be sassy and really scary when you messed up with him or someone he cared about.

Watching Yuta like that was doing something to Jaehyun’s heart. He found Yuta so incredibly sexy that the thought of kissing him again wouldn’t leave his mind.

A grip on Jaehyun's shoulder snapped him back into reality. He looked to the side and saw Taeyong smiling at him.

Lucky Taeyong.

"Jaehyunnie! What are you doing here?" Taeyong asked and gave him a brief hug.

Jaehyun wasn't a bad person. Having Taeyong hugging him and smiling so sincerely made his chest ache. And even though his brain deceived him for a moment wishing to kiss Yuta again as he watched him dance, he felt terrible at the thoughts he just had.

"Hyung, is good to see you." Jaehyun swallowed with difficulty and nodded his head at the door. "Yuta and I are going for lunch."

"Nice! He'll wrap up his lesson in a few minutes." Taeyong clamped a hand on Jaehyun's back and said. "How are you doing? Come on, let's chat for a bit." He draped his arm around Jaehyun's shoulder and pulled him to his side.

He didn't want Taeyong to hug him, not because he hated it, it was because he didn't deserve his friend being happy to see him. Jaehyun betrayed him, and Taeyong was always nothing but a wonderful friend to him. If Taeyong knew what he did, he would be disappointed and angry. Taeyong would probably think he was the worst friend he ever had, and Jaehyun couldn’t even disagree with that. 

"I'm good, hyung. How about you? I know you are pretty busy lately with your new job as a producer and stuff."

"Oh, yeah," Taeyong laughed and scratched the back of his neck, "it's time consuming, but I'm loving it. The only downside is the lack of sleep I get, and that I don't get to see Yuta that much because of it, not even you guys. It's really been a long time, hasn't it?"

Jaehyun nodded, averting his eyes elsewhere when Taeyong looked at him. He couldn't stand Taeyong's eyes on him. It was torture. "We'll have time to catch up once you sort your schedule, don't worry."

Jaehyun's anxiety was incrementing just by standing next to Taeyong. Why was Yuta taking so long? He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

"You know, Yuta is mad at me for not dedicating him the time I used to." Taeyong looked down, shaking his head. "I just wish he would understand me just how you understand Doyoung." 

A frown settled on Jaehyun's face. Did Taeyong really think he understood Doyoung? Was that what his friends saw from the outside? That Jaehyun was a nice, patient boyfriend that didn't care that his own boyfriend would disregard him because of work? And when Jaehyun thought about it, of course they would think like that because he and Doyoung always made sure to not let slip any troubles they had. They pretended to be a nice, perfect couple when in reality they were so far from it. If they only knew how sad and unappreciated Jaehyun felt. If his friends knew they almost broke up a few times, then they wouldn't think that. He doesn't know if some other person would put up with the shit Doyoung pulled on him, Jaehyun was sure they wouldn't, but he had his reasons.

"To be honest, I don't know how Doyoung and I are still holding up."

Taeyong tilted his head to the side, mouth forming a little pout in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that it's difficult to be with someone who is working nonstop." If it was for Jaehyun, he wouldn't say shit and would let Taeyong handle it on his own. But he was doing it for Yuta. Because Yuta deserved more than what he was getting. Jaehyun didn't want to see Yuta's sorrowful eyes anymore. He didn't want to see Yuta reaching the point Jaehyun was; always wondering why he wasn’t enough, letting things keep on hurting him because he was too nice to break someone else's heart. Jaehyun didn't want to see Yuta unhappy, just like he was.

"If you want to preserve your relationship, then I suggest you stop devoting your entire time in here or in the studio and be with Yuta." Jaehyun continued, smiling bitterly. He knew how Yuta felt because he himself felt that way when Doyoung put him in second place for everything. "You should show him you care. Let Yuta know you still want him."

"I'm exhausted when I get home." Taeyong sighed deeply. "We barely get an hour of freedom with all the changes and adjustments we had to these past two months. Yuta even replaced me in a few classes. It shouldn't be too hard for him to understand how tired I am."

Yet, Yuta still makes time to hang out with me no matter how tired he is. Jaehyun thought. They make an effort to see or talk to each other, even if they are busy. And so should Taeyong and Doyoung.

"Ten minutes will be enough." Jaehyun scoffed.

Was it that hard for them to understand? At this point, Jaehyun would have thought Yuta and him were the mistaken ones. That they were overreacting and should be even more supportive than they already were.

"Trust me when I say ten minutes, or even five, it's better than nothing."

“I get you are saying, I do. I mean, Yuta and I spent the past six years glued to each other, and it’s not easy now that we can’t be together. I get that he is feeling lonely because I’m not there with him.” Taeyong nodded his head. "But he also has to understand that I don't have time, I get home and I just want to sleep with no one pestering me."

Jaehyun’s eyes widened at the words Taeyong used. It made him incredibly furious because Yuta wouldn't do anything to pester him. On the contrary, Jaehyun was sure Yuta was doing everything to lessen the weight of Taeyong's shoulders.

Something about Taeyong talking like that made Jaehyun think Yuta was right when he said he was different. He would have never spoken about Yuta that way before, Taeyong would have been smiling while saying how grateful he was for having Yuta by his side. What changed?

Just right when Jaehyun was about to speak up, and maybe give Taeyong a piece of his mind, the door of Yuta's class was opened and people started to come out. Yuta, of course, was the last one; he froze in his spot when he saw Taeyong and Jaehyun together.

"Hey!" Yuta exclaimed.

Jaehyun couldn't help the smile that bloomed on his lips. It was a genuine smile, not like the ones he had been putting for the past week or so. "Hi, hyung."

"Will you wait for me, Jaehyunnie?” Yuta asked. “I have to make some changes in my schedule, it will only take five minutes."

"Sure, take your time." Jaehyun nodded.

Yuta then turned to Taeyong and placed a hand on his cheek, smiling at him softly. "What time are you finishing today?"

"Mmm probably not that late, but I don't know." Taeyong stepped closer to Yuta and kissed his lips. "Wait for me though; I have a present for you." He said in a hushed tone that made Yuta giggle. But it was loud enough for Jaehyun to hear.

"Okay." Yuta bit his lip, flustered. He cleared his throat and glanced at Jaehyun. "I'll be right back." He announced, walking away towards the office room.

"I hope it will be enough to keep him happy for a week, at least." Taeyong chuckled. "I'll see you around, Jaehyunnie, take care of my boy." He patted Jaehyun's shoulder and walked away.

Jaehyun felt his blood boil at Taeyong's comment; having sex wasn't going to keep Yuta happy, because that wasn't the type of affection Yuta needed. 

The fear of Yuta changing his behavior around Jaehyun was there all the time. It was something that worried Jaehyun, but if Yuta was feeling uncomfortable, then he made a great job at hiding it. Jaehyun was grateful that Yuta was the one cracking jokes and keeping up the conversation because he couldn't even mutter a word without feeling shy. And even then, when he didn't know how to act or if he should mention the situation once again, Yuta made him feel so comfortable that soon enough, Jaehyun relaxed and forgot about all those worries.

They were entering the mall when Yuta asked. "What happened to your phone?" He grimaced and shook his head when Jaehyun handed him the phone and saw the state it was. "Did you step on it?"

Jaehyun wanted to say he threw the phone in a fit of anger and frustration, but he preferred to keep it to himself and not ruin the playful mood they were. Instead, he smiled. "I just left it on the table."

"You smashed it on the table, more like it." Yuta laughed. Jaehyun tended to be careless with his stuff, so it didn't surprise him at all. "And why didn't it have the screen protector?"

"I forgot about the screen protector. I admit I may have used more force than necessary, but the phone must have been a poor quality for it to break that easily." Jaehyun said in defense.

"Don't try to excuse yourself; I know you are a brute." Yuta circled an arm around Jaehyun's shoulder and shook him playfully. "It's fine though, I like you that way. Come on, let's get you a new phone."

I like you that way.

Jaehyun's heart skipped a beat at Yuta saying he liked him the way he was, again. Yuta didn't mean it in another aspect that wasn't friendly, and Jaehyun knew that very well. It was okay. It wasn’t like Jaehyun hoped Yuta would like him for real, as a man.

After getting Jaehyun's new phone, Yuta said he wanted to try a couple of items. It turned out to be a nightmare for Jaehyun; he found out he loved watching Yuta trying on clothes. It wasn't the first time he saw Yuta shirtless, and he always noticed how the other was skinny but fit, and how tiny his waist was. After their kiss though, everything seemed to hold a different meaning, because Jaehyun couldn't stop imagining his hands there, how it would feel to hold Yuta against him an-

"Jae!"

Yuta's voice brought him back to earth. Damn Yuta.

"Yeah?"

Yuta pointed to his legs. "Do you think these look good?"

It was entertaining and extremely cute to see Yuta's concentrated face while checking himself in the mirror. He would then turn to Jaehyun and ask for his opinion. And Jaehyun thought he wasn't any help at all. He wasn't partial when it came to Yuta. In Jaehyun's eyes, everything looked good on him.

The pants Yuta had on were so baggy that he could get lost in them. In someone else, Jaehyun would have thought they looked awful, but on Yuta was a different story. "They make you seem short."

"Oh." Yuta pouted.

"No, but- umm you look great!" The younger interjected quickly when he noticed Yuta’s expression.

Yuta's eyes lit up at that, causing Jaehyun to sigh dreamily. Yuta was so adorable that Jaehyun had to dig his nails into his palms so he wouldn't reach out, cup Yuta's cheeks in his hands, and cover his entire face in kisses.

"You are not just saying it, right?"

Jaehyun shook his head. "You look small. It's cute."

At some point, Yuta was trying a shirt, but Jaehyun could see he didn't like it by the way his nose scrunched up.

"I don't like this on me." Yuta murmured. He looked at Jaehyun's reflection in the mirror and squinted his eyes. "But I think it will look perfect on you. Do you like it?"

Jaehyun nodded, shrugging. It was his style, a dark blue button up shirt with white stripes and some small flower details. It was classic and simple yet beautiful.

"Try it on, then." Yuta began to unbutton the shirt.

"Wh- what? No, I-"

Yuta made a sound at the back of his throat and stomped his foot on the floor as if he was a kid. Jaehyun was certain his palms would bleed at any moment.

"Jaehyunnie." Yuta looked at Jaehyun with pleading eyes. 

And who was Jaehyun to deny him anything? 

With a huff, Jaehyun walked to stand in front of Yuta and took off his hoodie and t-shirt without hesitation. It didn't embarrass him being shirtless. If there was something Jaehyun was confident about, was his body. He wasn't exceptionally buff, but he took pride in his well-defined and toned abs and chest. A grin made its way to his lips when he noticed Yuta stood there, staring at his torso. At least someone appreciated his visits to the gym.

"Hyung?" Jaehyun stretched his hand out, signaling for Yuta to give him the piece of clothing.

"Oh, yeah, s- sorry." Yuta shoved the shirt at Jaehyun's chest. "Been hitting the gym often, I see." A little laugh left his lips.

Jaehyun put the shirt on with a smug smile on his face, proud of the effect he had on Yuta. He shouldn’t have been enjoying it as much as he was, but oh boy, he really was enjoying it at its fullest. "You know I eat a lot. And I like to maintain my body in good shape." He shrugged, fixing the collar of the shirt.

"Ah I knew it would look perfect on you. But everything does, so...yeah" Yuta commented, biting his lip and clapping his hands slightly. "Alright, I'll buy it for you."

"Yuta, I can pay for it."

"Never said you couldn't."

"I won't let you buy me-"

Yuta frowned. "Why not? I want to. Please, Jaehyunnie, let me."

"No."

"Please, please, pleas-"

"Okay." Jaehyun whispered. His eyes were scanning around them just in case someone was looking at them weird, because after all, they were trying clothes on the same fitting room.

Yuta cheered before starting to put his clothes on.

"Now let's go eat lunch." Jaehyun said once they were out of the store.

"Yes, finally." Yuta bounced on his feet. "Anything special you want? I'm fine with whatever."

There was a huge smile on Yuta's face, and Jaehyun must have died right there. How could it be possible that Yuta could make a drastic change in his mood by just smiling? Yuta had this beautiful energy that he always managed to spread to those around him and instantly make them feel better. Like a superpower. And Jaehyun found himself compelled to that superpower every single time.

"Nothing in particular, let's see the menu and pick at the moment. It's on me though." The younger said. He enjoyed all kinds of food so it didn’t matter.

"Don't feel like you own me anything because I bought you a shirt. That's not why I did it. I don't want anything in return."

"It's not like I don't appreciate it. Trust me, I do." Jaehyun slowed down his pace and grabbed Yuta's arm to stop him. "But why? There must be a reason."

"There's not. I gave you countless presents before. Why would be different this time?" 

Yuta rolled his eyes when Jaehyun frowned. He was sure the other's intention was to look menacing, but Yuta only saw a sulking puppy.

"I just- I see the look in your eyes. I can notice something is going on with you that you are not telling me. You are sad, and I-"

"So you pity me." Jaehyun interrupted.

"No." Yuta's voice was firm. "I want to brighten up your day, okay? And I know a present it’s not going to change the way you feel, but- I don’t really know."

Jaehyun nodded. He understood Yuta's reasoning. He would have done the same for him. "Yuta, you don't have to buy me something to make me feel better. You being here with me is enough."

He probably was being too honest. Although Yuta was used to Jaehyun saying that kind of stuff to him, maybe this time was a little bit weird considering what happened. The last time Jaehyun had said something similar, they ended up kissing.

Yuta gave Jaehyun a shy smile. "Okay, but you have to admit that shirt looks awesome on you. I don't regret anything."

Jaehyun will always be thankful for Yuta not making things awkward.

"Everything looks awesome on me." Jaehyun raised an eyebrow and shrugged, causing Yuta to shake his head and laugh at him.

Jaehyun's heart missed a beat when Yuta caught him in a sudden hug. A very tight hug.

"I don't pity you." Yuta murmured against his shoulder. "I care about you so much, and I want you to be well and happy."

Jaehyun didn't understand why this action made him feel like crying. Maybe it was the fact that lately, he had been struggling to find happiness when in the past, he would find it even in the little things. There was this emptiness in his chest that he didn't seem to be able to fill with anything.

"I will be." Jaehyun wanted to stay hugged with Yuta for a little bit more, just a few minutes. It didn't matter that the several bags Yuta was holding were digging uncomfortably against his back. He was craving physical contact. He wanted to rest his head on someone else's shoulder, close his eyes, and stay there in silence.

"I'm here, yeah? Always."

A whine almost left Jaehyun’s lips when Yuta pulled away from him.

Jaehyun could only reply with a nod and a smile.

Things with Doyoung needed to get better. For everyone's sake.


	4. 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack! I am SO sorry for ghosting this story :( I've been really busy the past month
> 
> Thank you to all of you who still support this story and leaves kudos and comments. It's what keeps me motivated to keep writing it. I hope with this I can at least make your day a bit brighter.
> 
> You guys are really sweet, I don't deserve you!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter and as always I'm sorry if there is any mistakes, I'm trying my best.
> 
> I hope you have a great day, take care of yourselves ❤❤

Yuta was in a weird mood. He was distracted and could barely sleep at night. He felt restless as if he was waiting for something.

His mind was somewhere else, not letting him focus on anything. He had this anguish filling his chest that he didn't know the reason why. It wasn't the fact that Taeyong was distant with him, it never made him feel like that before. It was something else he couldn't put his finger on. Yuta felt like something was missing.

And although Yuta was completely oblivious to it, he started feeling that way when Jaehyun stopped talking to him.

At first, when Yuta didn't get Jaehyun's reply to his texts, when his calls got rejected or straight to the voicemail, he got desperate, paranoid thinking maybe he had done something to upset him because well, sometimes Yuta went overboard with his words. Especially when it came to Jaehyun's relationship with Doyoung.

It was a huge relief to know later, that that wasn't the case when Jaehyun wrote in the group chat and let them know he wouldn't be replying for a while because he was dealing with some stuff and needed time for himself.

Even though Yuta felt like he was breathing again and his nerves were put at ease because Jaehyun’s distance had nothing to do with him in particular, he was still worried sick because if the younger wasn’t speaking to anyone, not even to Doyoung, it meant that he wasn’t doing well at all.

Yuta would send texts to Jaehyun every day, not expecting an answer, but just so he would know he was there to speak whenever he was ready. Part of him wished Jaehyun would reply to him because Yuta couldn’t stand the thought of his friend being alone when he clearly was at a low point in his life. Yuta wanted to support him and do whatever he could to lessen his burdens.

Sadly, the reply never came.

"Do you know if Jaehyun is okay? Have you talked to him?" If there was someone close to Jaehyun like he was, that was Johnny. And Yuta needed to know what was going on, so with the excuse that it had been a while since they saw each other, Yuta asked Johnny to meet for some coffee.

"Same as you." Johnny took a sip of his coffee and shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows. "I went to his apartment a few days ago, and he told me he wanted to be alone. I left after he assured me he was okay, that he was having rough days and needed some peace away from everyone."

"Oh." Yuta sighed. That was disappointing. He was hoping for at least a positive update on their friend because he was going crazy without knowing how Jaehyun was doing. He worried Jaehyun wasn't eating properly, or sleeping enough. "Maybe we could ask Doyoung. He must know, right?"

Johnny snickered and stared at Yuta as if he just hit his head and forgot who Doyoung was. "I don't want to sound mean, but Doyoung probably hasn't even texted him again after Jaehyun told him he wanted to be left alone."

"Yeah, you are right." Yuta clicked his tongue and averted his eyes on the napkin he was tearing off impatiently with his fingers. "I just don't understand how cold and distant Doyoung is with Jaehyun. I know it’s just the way he is, but if I was in his place I'd sleep outside Jaehyun's door until he opens, you know?"

Johnny hummed, tilting his head to the side when an idea suddenly popped in his mind. "I think you should go see him."

Yuta scoffed. " _Me?_ What makes you think he will talk to me?"

"Uumm he has a soft spot for you?" Johnny said as if it was more than obvious that Jaehyun had absolute favoritism when it came to Yuta. Everyone except Yuta seemed to know that.

Yuta ignored the way Johnny’s words made his stomach feel weird and chuckled. "Sure. That's why he hasn't replied to any of my texts for the past eight days."

It surprised Johnny that Yuta had the perseverance to send Jaehyun a message every day without even getting a reply because he would usually be the one to not reply to the group chat or leave you on read for days. And he was astonished at Jaehyun not responding to Yuta. That was new. Since when did the younger boy ignore Yuta? He was the one who always got instant replies. "Did you really text him every day?"

"Every single day. I'm annoying, I know." Yuta placed his elbows on the table and hid his face in his hands. Embarrassed at the fact that he was perhaps a bit desperate to get Jaehyun to talk to him. "I couldn’t help it. It’s clear Jaehyun is not okay, but I want to know it from him. I want him to talk about it. Help him. Even if I can’t. I want to at least try."

"Yeah, I understand. And you are not annoying." Johnny smiled at Yuta when the other peered at him from between his fingers. "Actually, the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that you should go see Jaehyun. I’m confident that he will talk to you."

"What if he gets upset?" Yuta frowned as he removed his hands from his face. The thought of Jaehyun being upset at him wasn't fun at all. Plus, an angry Jaehyun was scary, and Yuta preferred not to see that side of Jaehyun directed towards him. "He clearly said he doesn't want to talk yet. Not to mention he practically kicked you out of his home. Out of all people, _you_ , his best friend."

"Maybe it's not me who he needs to talk to."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that sometimes it takes a specific person to help you through something and make you feel better." Johnny shrugged. He wasn't mad at Jaehyun for pushing him away. He understood that this time, his friend needed another person to confide his thoughts and problems. "For obvious reasons, it's not me who he needs. Maybe you can be that person."

Yuta sipped at his coffee, hoping to swallow the lump forming in his throat.

Yuta gave Johnny a small smile and nodded.

-

Ignoring all his friends for a week wasn’t as hard as Jaehyun thought it would be. Even though he was a very social person and liked to be in touch with those close to him, he needed space and be alone with his thoughts. He was tired of everything.

Isolation was the best thing that occurred to him. Naturally, they all got worried about him, so Jaehyun made sure to let them know he was fine but that he needed some time to think and wouldn't be replying to any text or call. He was grateful for his friends worrying about him and wanting to know if there was anything they could do to help. However, Jaehyun didn't want to see them or hear them talk. He needed to be alone. And he was glad they all respected that.

The truth was that Jaehyun was too overwhelmed with life. He was taking blow after blow. He took so much that he had to fall at some point.

The job position he was pursuing didn't work out, and even if it had nothing to do with his skills and he was kind of relieved because he didn't actually like private schools with stuck up parents that thought their kids were too good to have a teacher with a few years of experience, Jaehyun felt like he wasn't enough. But it was fine; he was only doing it so he could prove something to someone else.

It was going to be better to focus on his stable job on the school he was comfortable in, with his students that left piles of drawings on his desk and their parents that thanked him for always being such a caring and encouraging teacher to their kids.

That thought made Jaehyun think he was failing as a teacher; he still couldn't come up with a good idea for their project. The more he thought about it, the more frustrated and blocked he became. Jaehyun didn't want his class to be the only one with an empty table.

He could already imagine the kids' disappointed and sad faces as they would have to stand and watch the rest of the school presenting their cool projects. It was driving him insane.

All Jaehyun did was wake up, go to work, and then he would head back home as soon as he was finished. He would go through his students' homework, plan the next day's activities and then turn on the tv, pretending he was paying attention.

It shocked him when Doyoung called him, asking if he was alright. And although Jaehyun appreciated Doyoung leaving him alone, as he asked, he would have liked his boyfriend to show more interest, come to see him, or call more.

But it wasn't Doyoung's fault. After all, Jaehyun was the one who asked for space.

His fingers itched every time he would receive a text from Yuta. His messages were so cheerful that it would bring a little smile to his face every time. Honestly, he wanted to reply and thank him for being there, let him know his words were probably the thing that helped him get through the day, but he knew if he did, Yuta would want to talk, and Jaehyun was not ready for that.

It was Friday night when Jaehyun was ready for bed earlier than he normally would. He was tired of crying, and the pounding inside his head wasn't helping his gloomy mood. The feeling of being comforted in someone’s arms came back again, and he was ready to call his boyfriend and ask him to come to see him, at least for a few minutes. However, he discarded the idea when he reminded himself Doyoung had to work the following day and he would get a negative answer that would definitely make him feel worse than he already did.

Two hours later, Jaehyun was still tossing around.

He liked to be in silence; it helped him relax and work better. This time it was different; there was so much silence surrounding him that it was becoming deafening in a way that it was unbearable. It made him want to cry.

The sudden sound of the doorbell startled him. He looked at the clock and frowned when he saw it was past eleven. He got out of the bed and smiled at the thought that it must be Doyoung. His heart was beating fast because he was happy to know his boyfriend cared about him. That maybe he was missing Jaehyun after days of not speaking and came to comfort him.

Jaehyun was excited to see him after an endless week.

He opened the door, and his smile faltered when he saw Yuta standing in front of him and not Doyoung like he originally thought.

"Hi, uum sorry, I didn't mean to bother you," Yuta hesitated, noticing the way Jaehyun's smile faded from his face the second he saw him. He was going to kill Johnny for saying it was a good idea when it clearly wasn’t because Jaehyun even seemed upset. "I just- oh my god, I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone."

Jaehyun's smile didn't fade because it was Yuta who had come to see him. His smile faded because realized Doyoung didn't really miss him, that he didn't care he was hurting. For Doyoung it was fine if they didn't speak for days, it didn't change anything in his life.

Yuta was about to leave when Jaehyun wrapped a hand around Yuta's arm and pulled him to his chest, hugging him tightly. As soon as Yuta wrapped his arms around him, the urge of crying hit him again, just like that time Yuta hugged him at the mall. And this time, he couldn't help it; Jaehyun didn’t want to suppress it anymore. Warm tears started to fall down his cheeks, absorbed by Yuta's clothes.

"No, please don't cry. I'm sorry, I know you needed time on your own, but I'm worried." Yuta held onto Jaehyun as tight as he could, as if it meant Jaehyun would stop hurting just from holding him like that. Yuta's stomach churned at seeing him like that. It pained him. "You've never done something like this before and I- I needed to see you and make sure you are fine."

Jaehyun only nodded in response and tightened his arms around Yuta. He wanted to take a few minutes and drown in the comfort that brought him being in Yuta's arms.

They remained like that, hugging under the doorframe, with Yuta running his hands up and down Jaehyun's back soothingly, rocking him gently from side to side in hopes to get him to calm down.

Once Yuta noticed Jaehyun wasn't crying anymore, he said, "Should we go inside? It's getting chilly here in the hall."

"Okay," Jaehyun replied but didn't even move an inch away from Yuta. He was too comfortable.

Yuta chuckled when he realized Jaehyun wasn’t going to move and started walking forwards, causing Jaehyun to walk backwards inside the apartment. Yuta managed to close the door with his foot, even with Jaehyun still clinging onto him, and guided him to the sofa where Jaehyun, reluctantly, let him go.

"Are you sure you don't want me to leave?" Yuta asked as he dried Jaehyun's face that was wet from the tears he shed with the sleeve of his hoodie. “I’m not going to get mad or anything if you do.”

Jaehyun shook his head, looking down in embarrassment at the outburst he just had in front of his friend. He hated the thought of looking weak.

"Wait here." Yuta patted Jaehyun's head and went to the kitchen, coming a few seconds later with a glass filled with water. "Drink up." He crouched in front of Jaehyun and offered him the glass.

"I'm sorry." Jaehyun couldn't look Yuta in the eyes. He took the glass in his hands and slowly gulped the water down.

"What are you sorry for?"

"You saw me crying, it's weird." Jaehyun shrugged. "I also got your hoodie all wet with my tears, and I'm pretty sure my nose was running too. I'm sorry."

Yuta turned his head to the side and looked at his shoulder where there was a big wet spot and a trace of snot. But he shrugged it off. It was Jaehyun who did it. So it was forgiven. "I saw you crying before, Jaehyun." Yuta plopped down next to Jaehyun on the couch. "I don't care. I'm not going to think less of you because of it. I just want you to be okay."

Something warm settled on Jaehyun's chest. He bit his lip and nodded, not knowing what to say.

"I'm the one who should apologize for showing up like this-"

"It's fine," Jaehyun interrupted. He looked at Yuta and gave him a grateful smile. "I'm glad you are here. I was- I was starting to need someone, so... yeah."

Johnny had come to see him a few days ago, but he wasn't ready to see anyone. Was he ready now? If it was Johnny instead of Yuta, would have Jaehyun reacted the same way he did a few minutes ago, or would he have told Johnny he still wanted to be alone? Jaehyun didn't want to admit it, and he would never say it out loud. But deep down in his heart, he knew exactly what the answer was.

"Will you tell me what happened? Or we can just do whatever, stay silent, watch some tv, or talk about anything. It’s fine with me." Yuta's voice was careful as if he was scared Jaehyun would snap at him at any moment, but it also carried a bit of impatience, wanting to know the reason Jaehyun would go to the extent of pushing away everyone around him.

Yuta tried to respect Jaehyun's decision of not seeing or talking to anyone, and he lasted a week (if we obvious the part where he sent him text after text every day). He would have lasted longer. But Yuta couldn't wait anymore, and that talk with Johnny was the last push he needed to do it and decided he was going to see him, even if that meant Jaehyun kicking him out or getting angry at him.

"I got fired from the school." Jaehyun sighed. “Well, rejected, because I wasn’t even hired in the first place, but you know.”

Yuta cursed under his breath. "But what happened? You were doing great."

"They just had an unexpected change of headmaster, and the unofficial version says he is a stingy old man, plus he doesn't like to hire teachers with too little experience. So yeah, I didn't stand a chance." Jaehyun shrugged with a resigned smile on his face.

"No offense, but I'm kind of glad you didn't get the job then," Yuta shrugged.

Jaehyun gasped and looked at Yuta with a hurt expression. "Hyung! Why are you so mean?"

"I'm sorry, but they didn't deserve you." Yuta sighed; he scooted closer to Jaehyun and pulled him to his side. "What else?"

"What do you mean what else?"

“I don’t think that’s the only reason you are like this. Besides, you didn’t even want to be in that school.” Yuta snickered, remembering Jaehyun complaining about the possibility of having to wear a suit every day because it was the school’s dress code for teachers. Not only that, but Jaehyun said he was sure he would not be comfortable around the parents because they were too… pretentious, full of themselves.

“It would have been a great opportunity though,” Jaehyun muttered, a slight pout forming on his lips.

“Of course it would have been. But don’t you feel more at home with the environment you are currently working at? With the female teachers hitting on you thinking you are straight. The moms eyeing you because they can’t believe how handsome you are and their kids that sometimes are demons and drive you crazy but they love you like no other.” Yuta thought it wasn’t necessary to be in a prestigious school to be the best. Jaehyun’s actions and the way he cared about those children’s education was what made him the best at his job. “Don’t you think your job is more fulfilling when at the end of the day you have grateful parents telling you they couldn’t be happier that you are their children’s great teacher?”

Jaehyun’s eyes brimmed with tears once again because Yuta was right. He was comfortable and happy where he was. And that was what made it worse. Knowing he had parents that trusted him with their kids and he couldn’t even think of a simple project was like failing them.

"But I'm not that great." Jaehyun sniffed, shaking his head. "I had two months to come up with a project and I… I can't think. I don’t know what to do or how to fix it. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you."

"I think I'm losing my passion. Maybe Doyoung is right, you know? I'm never gonna get anywhere in this job."

Yuta frowned. "That's not true. And nothing is wrong with you. Look at me.” He shifted on his spot and placed a hand on Jaehyun’s cheek, turning his face so they were looking at each other. They were awfully close, and in another moment, Yuta would have thought it was uncomfortable, a very intimate action to be considered friendly even. But he couldn’t think of that when the only thing he could see was Jaehyun’s eyes red and swollen from crying and his cute, little nose all pink. “I struggle with my choreos sometimes, yes, but that doesn't mean I lost my passion. Just one bad day, one bad project doesn't mean you lost your passion either. There is _nothing_ wrong with you."

"I said I was almost finished with it and asked for more time, but everything I do feels wrong."

"Well, you are not going to get anywhere if you don't give your brain a rest." Yuta withdrew his hand, not before wiping away a stray tear running down Jaehyun's cheek. "And I don't mean this shit you are doing by pushing everyone away. It's the worst thing you could have done because be honest, did it help?" He was met with silence from Jaehyun, meaning it didn't help at all. "It’s alright to have some time for yourself and think, sometimes being alone helps too. But it has been eight days, Jaehyun. Eight days you spent thinking the worst of yourself. Being locked up here with those thoughts makes you think about your problems even more. I think you need to stop thinking for a minute."

Jaehyun was always calm about things; he would look at the bright side and tried to come up with solutions. This time though, not being able to come up with a single idea made him feel helpless.

He thought he was overreacting for nothing and he was being selfish when he thought it was a big deal when other people had it worse than him. Jaehyun felt embarrassed if he talked about it because his problems weren’t real or worrisome. Like, it was a project for kids for God’s sake!

“Don’t you think I’m overreacting?” Jaehyun asked. Yuta would tell him the truth.

“Overreacting?”

“It’s like if you think about it, my problems are not problems at all. Look at Johnny, he has been struggling with the fact that he is about to lose his job, _his only job_ , and he might have to move out of his apartment too. And me? I’m just making a fuss out of nothing.”

“Every person has his own problems, and everyone deals with it differently. Everyone feels their problems in a different way." Yuta squeezed Jaehyun’s shoulder. “And if you feel like not being able to come up with a cool project is troublesome and it makes you feel like shit, then it’s okay. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it.”

Jaehyun sighed deeply. Maybe he needed to stop thinking.

And while he was there, looking at Yuta, he couldn't believe he was the one comforting him. Yes, they had a very close friendship since they met and shared a lot of thoughts they wouldn’t confess to anybody else, but in the last few months it felt like something changed. They had grown closer in a way Jaehyun couldn’t explain.

"Hyung, thank you."

Yuta snorted. "What do you thank me for?"

"For being here, talking with me even though I said I didn't want to see anyone. You still came."

"Was worried about you," Yuta muttered, his cheeks becoming warm. He always felt shy when Jaehyun said corny things to him. It made his heart flutter.

"You said you wanted me to be okay earlier..."

Yuta nodded. He wanted to tell him he hurt too when Jaehyun was feeling like that. That it hurt him when Jaehyun thought so low of himself because in Yuta’s eyes he was incredibly smart and capable of achieving anything he put his mind into. He just needed more confidence in himself; think about the things he wanted and not the things everyone else expected from him. Yuta wanted to tell him how proud he was of the man Jaehyun had become. And for some reason, all those words got stuck in his throat. He couldn’t voice it out.

"And I honestly wasn't doing well; it was one hell of a week." Jaehyun chuckled, shaking his head, thinking about how down he felt, how hard it was to take step after step and continue as if nothing was wrong. He thought about how alone he was even though he knew his friends would be there if he just called them. He felt drained.

Jaehyun wasn't feeling that way anymore. Speaking with Yuta was like getting all the weight on his shoulders lifted. He could breathe without feeling as if he was going to collapse at any moment with no one around to catch him.

"But I'm feeling way better now that I talked with you. Thank you." Jaehyun added.

It didn’t mean Jaehyun was at his best yet. He still needed to deal with a lot of stuff that a simple chat wasn’t going to fix. Nonetheless, talking things out and having someone supporting him certainly helped to boost his mood.

"Stop saying thank you to me. I'm glad I can help." Yuta smiled at Jaehyun for a second before he furrowed his eyebrows. "But don't do this ever again, you hear me? You can't imagine how desperate I got when I found out you weren't talking to anyone. God, Jaehyun, I was so preoccupied."

"I'm sorry."

“Have you been sleeping? What about food? Are you eating well?”

Jaehyun licked his lip and nodded awkwardly. “I mean, I’ve been ordering food because I’m not in the mood to cook. It’s not the healthiest, I know, but I promise I didn’t skip meals or anything if that’s what you are concerned about. Regarding my sleep schedule… it’s a mess. I sleep a few hours a day. Enough to make me function.”

It was not what Yuta would have liked to hear, but he appreciated Jaehyun’s honesty.

Yuta let a few seconds pass, not wanting to scold his friend for being so careless. That was the last thing Jaehyun needed at the moment. "Why didn't you call me?"

Jaehyun shrugged and looked down at his lap, fiddling with his fingers. "I already bother you too much."

"Do you really think you are bothering me?" Yuta sighed when Jaehyun shrugged again. "Would I bother you if I came to you every time I have a concern in my mind?"

Jaehyun shook his head in response. He absolutely wouldn't mind being the person Yuta turns to every time he feels down or when he just needs to vent out.

"You could never bother me." Yuta chuckled. He ruffled Jaehyun's hair and said. "I would have been happy to be here for you. Even if it was just to cook for you, even though my cooking skills are awful. Or I don't know, anything you wanted. I would have even settled with you replying to my texts. An emoji would have sufficed."

The younger boy felt guilty. Jaehyun should have at least responded to Yuta and tell him he was okay. But he couldn’t because he was not okay, and he didn’t want to worry him. Except, he got Yuta worried either way.

"You were the only one who texted every day. Ten stopped on the third day, and Johnny came-" Jaehyun widened his eyes as he remembered how he made Johnny leave.

"What?" Yuta asked when Jaehyun groaned and rubbed his face with his hands.

"I told Johnny to go. Do you think he'll be mad at me? I need to talk to him." Jaehyun patted his pockets in search of his phone and was about to get up to look for it, but he was stopped by Yuta’s hand on his shoulder, pulling him down.

"Hey, easy. He was the one encouraging me to come to see you. Johnny understands. He is not mad; he is worried just as I was." Yuta rubbed Jaehyun’s arm. “And don’t worry about him. He got a job interview already, for a better position. You know he will slay it, so there is no need to worry. See? Everyone deals with their problems differently. Johnny kept pushing until he found something else. You got stuck with an important project for work and it makes you sad, and that’s okay too.”

“You are making me feel worse.”

“Why?” Yuta giggled, knowing exactly what he did. “The important thing now is how you move forward, okay?”

“’Kay. I’ll talk to Johnny tomorrow.” Jaehyun sighed, “My head is splitting in half right now and I’m tired.”

“Alright, I’ll go home then and let you rest.” Yuta stood up and walked to the door, with Jaehyun tailing behind. “Will you be okay?”

Jaehyun wanted to say no, and perhaps Yuta would have stayed with him and hugged him a bit more. Instead, Jaehyun just nodded and smiled. He couldn’t ask for more.

-

Seeing and talking with Jaehyun after a week of ignored texts and declined calls was relieving. He felt his heart breaking when his friend cried, holding onto him desperately. It was strange to see Jaehyun like that; he rarely, almost never cried in front of his friends, so the fact that he sobbed in front of Yuta meant he wasn't doing well at all. Although Jaehyun said he was okay and talking things out helped him a lot, Yuta still wasn't satisfied. He wanted to do more, help him in other ways. But he didn't know how.

"Hey, Yukkuri," Taeyong whispered in Yuta's ear, interrupting his train of thoughts on how to help Jaehyun.

It was a surprise for Yuta to find Taeyong already at home when he got back from Jaehyun’s because he was supposed to stay in the studio until late, working on a new song. So when his boyfriend welcomed him with a smile and a tight hug, claiming he was missing Yuta and that he could leave work for some other day, Yuta was extremely happy. It was all he had been asking for.

The past months, Yuta grew used to going to sleep alone; he would read or watch some videos, occupy his time until Taeyong would finish and join him in bed like old times when they would go to sleep together. But Taeyong went to sleep later and later every time, and Yuta could only wait for so long.

“Mm?” Yuta hummed, squeezing Taeyong’s hand.

“You will never leave me, right?” Taeyong’s voice sounded weak against his shoulder. “We are friends before boyfriends. You’ll never stop being my friend, right?”

Yuta frowned, turning his head a little to look at Taeyong. He didn’t understand the question. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Being friends with you is the most important part of my life.” Taeyong couldn’t remember a moment of his life where Yuta hadn’t been present. “The way I’ve been acting towards you. All these unimaginable arguments we are having… it makes me think you could leave me at any moment. And not having you around scares me.”

There were a lot of things Yuta wished to reply to that. If Taeyong knew he was treating him like shit, why was he still doing it? If Taeyong was scared of Yuta leaving him, then why wasn’t he putting some effort to change things?

Yuta should have confronted him, let Taeyong know he wouldn’t accept his mistreat anymore (even though it was a lie).

Instead, he chose the easy way. Because as he laid there on their bed wrapped in each other’s arms, Yuta still had hope Taeyong was going to come back to him again, that he was going to shower him in kisses and make him feel like he was the only person Taeyong loved and would always love. Just like before.

“Why would I leave you?” Yuta said in a small voice, trying hard not to show his emotions. “I know we are not at our best, but we’ll get through it.”

Taeyong only hummed in response.

Yuta turned around completely to face his boyfriend. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

The other blinked a few times and shook his head. “I love you and I don’t want to lose my best friend.”

To say Yuta was confused was an understatement. Why was Taeyong talking about friendship? There was something weird about the whole thing. Yuta could sense it, see it in Taeyong’s eyes. And before he could dig deeper into it, Taeyong planted his lips against Yuta’s in the softest kiss, making him forget about everything else.

“Let’s go to sleep, Yukkuri. It’s been a long day.”

As Yuta's day ended, he realized he felt better compared to the previous days. His felt content too, as he lay on his bed, with Taeyong's arms wrapped around his waist and his warm breath hitting his shoulder. He couldn't understand what Taeyong meant with all the friendship thing, but it didn't matter. It was enough for him that they were together and trying to figure things out.

Despite all that, Yuta couldn't sleep. This time, he did know the reason behind it, and it was because he couldn't stop thinking about Jaehyun.

_Sometimes it takes a specific person to help you through something and make you feel better._

The phrase Johnny told him got stuck in Yuta's head. Especially when Jaehyun didn't close the door in his face and instead pulled him into his home, trusted him with his feelings, and even gave him a dimpled smile at the end before Yuta left. It wasn't Jaehyun's biggest smile; it wasn't a happy smile either. It was more like a grateful smile. It was enough to make Yuta feel like he needed to be there for his friend even more because he understood he was the person Jaehyun needed at the moment.

Sleep was finally taking over Yuta, his eyes started to grow heavy, and before he drifted off to sleep, the corner of his lips turned upwards as he thought that maybe there was something he could do to make Jaehyun relax a bit and clear his brain of all those thoughts.

-

Saturday classes were nothing like weekly classes; Yuta would let his students pick songs and they would do freestyle dance. It was fun and relaxed. That's why they looked forward to it with a lot of excitement. They admired and appreciated the passion Yuta put in every step. Most of the times he was very demanding because he knew they could give more, and even though they ended up exhausted and frustrated because thing got difficult, they still loved Yuta. But they loved, even more, the goofy and cheerful mood Yuta was on Saturday's. It felt like they were all friends just having a good time while doing what they loved most. Of course, Yuta knew about his students' preference about it, so with a heavy heart and a lot of guilt, Yuta let his students know something important had come up at the last minute and he had to cancel the class and he was really sorry.

"Where are you going so early?" Taeyong grumbled, sitting on the bed and looking at Yuta as he got dressed.

Yuta took a seat next to Taeyong on the bed and brushed his hair out of his half-closed eyes. "I'm going to take Jaehyun out of his apartment."

Taeyong nodded. "It'll be good for him."

"Yeah, I think so too."

Taeyong fell forward and nuzzled his face against Yuta's chest. "Pushed back your class?"

"I suspended it."

"Yuta, what the hell?" Taeyong murmured.

Gently, Yuta pulled Taeyong away by the shoulders and made him lie down on the bed. "It's just one class. No one is going to stop coming to our studio because of it, alright? My students love me."

"But-"

"Jaehyun is my priority for today." Yuta cut him off. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Taeyong's in a chaste kiss. "I don't know what time I'm going to get back home."

Taeyong huffed. "You can't cancel just because."

"It's not just because. Jaehyun is more important to me than any class. He needs some support at the moment and that’s what I’m going to do." Yuta frowned.

He didn't complain when Taeyong ditched his classes. And yes, Yuta took over the class for him, but it wasn’t the same because they had different styles, different points of view. Yuta thought it was almost the same situation. Why was the problem with him canceling _one_ class?

It was too early to have a discussion like that. It would dampen his mood and he didn't need that, he needed to be as bright and positive as he could.

"I'm going now, Yong." He sighed, and a smile tugged at his lips when Taeyong sat on the bed once again and pursed his lips for a kiss. It had been a while since Taeyong was this clingy, so he might as well enjoy it. Yuta cupped his boyfriend's face and pecked his lips a few times before pushing him back down on the bed. "Sleep some more. I'll see you later. I love you."

"Me too."

Yuta grabbed his stuff and headed over to Jaehyun's place, hoping the younger man wouldn't be against his plans. But if he thought about it, Jaehyun had never said no to him. This time couldn’t be different.

Of course Yuta knew it was impossible for Jaehyun to be up at seven in the morning on a Saturday. Either way, he rang the bell. Twice. He also must have known Jaehyun wouldn't open the door, even if he heard the bell ringing.

Yuta took the phone out of his pocket and called him, groaning every time it would send him to the voicemail. He wasn't going to give up though, not after last night.

 _"Hello?"_ Jaehyun's voice was deeper than usual and croaky. It was a bit sexy, Yuta had to admit.

"Jaehyun! Open the door-"

_"You are here?"_

"Yes! Come on, get up." Yuta smiled.

 _"God, Yuta. Just come in."_ Jaehyun huffed and hung up.

Yuta gasped and glared at Jaehyun through the phone, even though the other couldn't see him. Jaehyun was so grumpy in the mornings.

Yuta would have entered, but he was a considerate friend who didn't want to invade Jaehyun's privacy. He rolled his eyes and punched the code before taking his shoes off and silently made his way to Jaehyun's room and smiled softly at the way Jaehyun was all tangled up in his comforter.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Yuta got close to the bed and reached out to glide his fingers through the messy soft brown hair. He chuckled when Jaehyun groaned and buried his face deeper into the pillow. "Are you listening?" Another smile made its way to Yuta's lips as Jaehyun hummed sleepily. "After I left last night, and after a lot of thinking, I concluded that you need to get out of here. You need air just like me when I get stuck with anything or things get a little rough, being surrounded by nature helps me clear my mind and I think it will help you too. So get up and get ready so we can go."

Yuta's voice was barely a whisper the whole time. He knew Jaehyun wasn't a morning person, so he tried not to be loud and make the other angry because starting the day with good humor was key for what he had planned for them.

Jaehyun slowly opened his eyes and observed Yuta, wondering if it was really happening. "I don't think it'll help."

"Not with that attitude, it won't." Yuta put his hands on his hips. "Come on, it is half-past seven and-"

Jaehyun sat in his bed in an abrupt movement and looked at the clock beside his bed; he then looked at Yuta, who was smiling teasingly behind his hand. "You dare to wake me up this early? It's Saturday, I sleep until eleven."

"Don't overreact," Yuta said, struggling to hold his laugh because Jaehyun's hair was all over the place, and it looked ridiculous. And overly cute, too. "I'll make a quick breakfast; in the meantime, you go and get ready, yeah?"

"Yuta, I don't-" Jaehyun started. He wanted Yuta to stop and rethink whatever he had planned, but the other was already on his way out. "Yuta!"

With a deep sigh, Jaehyun plopped down on the bed again. He wasn't feeling like going out. Jaehyun also felt like he wasn't the best companion at the moment, and he didn't want to ruin Yuta's good mood with his sour one. Being in bed, curled up under the comforter and overthink things was all he had been doing for the past week; it was slowly becoming a habit. Suddenly, Jaehyun frowned when he realized he wanted to keep doing it because nothing good had come out of it. On the contrary. It wasn't healthy, and he needed to change that before it was too late.

A little smile bloomed on his lips when he heard a loud clattering sound coming from the kitchen. He was sure Yuta dropped all the pans.

To Jaehyun, Yuta was extraordinary. He thought it was incredible how Yuta took some time to think about what he could do to help Jaehyun out when he could have only listened and let Jaehyun wallow in his misery and figure things on his own. So he had to try. Yuta was doing so much for him. The least Jaehyun could do was appreciate his actions and let Yuta drag him wherever he wanted. Things couldn't get worse.

-

Yuta was humming along to a song playing in his car when he was interrupted by Jaehyun.

"Where are we going?" He asked, hands slapping his thighs lightly.

"Hiking."

"What? Yuta, I don't think you put a lot of thought into this." Jaehyun chuckled. He admired Yuta and his love for exercise. However, hiking was something he personally considered boring.

Yuta knew about Jaehyun’s thoughts on it, because every time Yuta mentioned he went for a hike, Jaehyun would scoff and ask what was so fun and relaxing about walking so much. It always ended up with Yuta going on and on about all the benefits of hiking and how it was not only good for your physical health but also mental health. A never-ending saga that Jaehyun enjoyed too much.

"Trust me, I did." Yuta glanced at Jaehyun and sent him a smile. "There's a mountain I came upon a few months ago, it has the most beautiful sight ever, and when you breathe it's like your whole energy regenerates. It makes me feel so much better after I come here. You'll feel better too. I know you will. Plus, there are not many people at this time of the day. I don't know why though. This place is super nice."

"Because normal people don't wake up at ass o'clock in the morning on a Saturday to _hike_ , Yuta. That's why." Jaehyun shook his head and turned to look through the window. He was doing his best to keep a positive mind, and it wasn't too difficult with Yuta by his side. "By the way, will you make it on time for work? It’s quite far." He asked, worried about Yuta getting late because of him.

The question caught Yuta off guard. He didn't think Jaehyun would ask that.

Saying he had to get at a specific hour wasn't an option because then the younger wouldn't stop looking at the time and asking Yuta to hurry up and leave. Jaehyun would be so distracted trying to get him back to work that he wasn't going to enjoy it at all, and that was the complete opposite of what Yuta wanted. Telling the truth, saying he canceled his class, was even worse because Jaehyun would get mad and would call him stupid for canceling work because of him. Jaehyun would probably even stop talking to him for days if he knew what he did.

"I got a replacement."

"A replacement?" Jaehyun shifted to look at Yuta, examining him from head to toe in search of something that hinted Yuta was with an injury or something he hadn't spotted. "Are you okay?"

Yuta snorted, giggling at Jaehyun's panicked voice. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you hate replacements."

Damn Jaehyun and his good memory. Damn Jaehyun and the way he knew Yuta like nobody else did. The younger boy wasn't dumb, and Yuta should have known better.

"Well..." Yuta needed to come up with a good excuse. A believable excuse, if possible. "I- I was tired." Great, Yuta. He thought to himself.

The silence hung heavy between them. Jaehyun was not buying his lie, and he had to act soon.

"You know I'm replacing Taeyong sometimes, and I thought I would be fine, but it's been exhausting. So I thought of taking a day off and relax." He quickly added. An awkward laugh left Yuta’s lips.

"Mmm right, I almost forgot about that." Jaehyun hummed. "I got scared for a second. I thought you were hurt or something."

"I'm more than fine, Jaehyunnie. Don't worry." Yuta assured him, reaching out to pinch his cheek softly. "Let's just enjoy the day, okay?"

Waking up at half-past seven in the morning on a Saturday was not something Jaehyun liked. Still, as he walked side by side with Yuta under the blaring sun hitting on their faces, laughing at old stories they recalled, it was totally worth it. It didn't matter that he was sweating a lot and his legs were burning or that the following day he would be in so much pain that he wouldn’t be able to walk properly, because even though he felt like dying of exhaustion, he also felt happier, lighter. Jaehyun had been able to maintain a smile on his face the whole time and it wasn't fake, but then again, his smiles were never fake when he was with Yuta.

"Yu," Jaehyun said. Stopping in his tracks and bending over. He placed his hands on his knees and looked up at Yuta, who was unfazed by the sun and looked like he was ready to keep walking for an hour straight.

"Yeah?"

"Let's take a break." The younger panted.

Yuta nodded and walked up to Jaehyun, a teasing smile on his face. He tugged him by the arm and guided him to lean against a tree where the sun didn't reach.

"Ugh this is so much better." Jaehyun glared at Yuta when he saw the other's mischievous smirk. “Don’t say anything.”

Yuta shook his head and made a sign with his fingers as if he was closing his mouth. It only passed five seconds before he was speaking again. "But why are you so out of shape if you work out? I don’t get it."

"Yuta," Jaehyun whined. "It's not the same, okay? I'm not used to walking this much. It's tiring."

"I know!" Yuta smiled. "That's exactly what you needed. Look at yourself, you are exhausted, and you look like you haven't slept or stepped out of your house in years-"

Jaehyun snorted at the way Yuta described how bad he looked. He also felt envious at how good Yuta looked with his baggy pants and sleeveless black shirt, his red hair tied into a tiny, cute ponytail at the base of his nape. He was so effortlessly pretty that Jaehyun couldn’t help but stare. "I'm sorry I can’t be-"

"But you haven't stopped smiling since we got here." Yuta finished.

It was true; Jaehyun couldn't stop smiling even if he wanted to. It had been such a long time since he had felt this carefree and truly enjoyed being outside. All of those worries and doubts tormenting his brain, all of those bad thoughts he had of himself, it all got pushed at the back of his head. It didn't matter that those things could and would eventually come back. Right at that moment, Jaehyun was content.

"I told you it would work, didn’t I?" Yuta said as he watched Jaehyun's smiley face.

"I never understood your undying love for this type of thing." Jaehyun ran a hand through his sweaty hair and nodded his head in understanding. "I guess I do now."

Yuta's heart pounded against his chest as he saw Jaehyun giving him his biggest smile with his dimples on full display.

He was proud of himself. Jaehyun was a very special person to Yuta, and he couldn’t stand seeing him the way he saw him the past few months, let alone the night before. The fact that he could reverse Jaehyun's mood and make him smile and laugh loudly made him happy. Seeing Jaehyun like that was something he didn't know he needed until now.

On an impulse, Yuta reached out and softly poked at Jaehyun's dimple. "We should do this more often. I mean, I do come here pretty often, but I'd like it if you join me."

"Sure, yeah. It's kind of therapeutic, so why not?" Jaehyun shrugged. He didn't think it was just the place that was therapeutic and relaxing, but being with Yuta was also a major factor as to why it worked the way it did.

“Oh, so now you think is therapeutic!” Yuta gasped. “After all those times you mocked me for this. I can’t believe you.”

“I admit it, okay? You were right about it, and I'm so sorry for saying you were bluffing and out of your mind. Happy now?” Jaehyun laughed.

“Very.” Yuta nodded happily. He opened his water bottle and took a sip of it. “Are you good to keep going? Drink more water.”

"I think so." Jaehyun followed Yuta’s order and drank some water.

Yuta could hear the doubt in Jaehyun's voice. He needed something to keep him motivated. And Yuta instantly clapped his hands when he remembered. "After we are done here, we should definitely go to this restaurant that's near here. It doesn't look like much, but I swear they make the most delicious food ever."

At the mention of food, Jaehyun's eyes grew bigger, and he was already straightening, stretching his legs and arms, ready to go, causing Yuta to laugh and shake his head at how eager Jaehyun was to finish their hiking and get food as quickly as he could.

By the time they made it to the restaurant, Jaehyun seemed to be in a better mood, even better than before. He looked more energetic and talkative, which was unusual because he wasn’t one to talk too much. But that only meant he was happy, and that was the whole point.

"You know what?" Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair before resting his hands over the table. "I'm actually not tired. It's completely the opposite! I feel all the bad energy has left my body. And listen, I’m not saying I got a clear idea of what I want to do with the school project, but after this, I think I know the direction I want to take things. I’ve never done something nature related, so maybe that’s a good way to start. What do you think?" He looked at Yuta, expectant.

Yuta watched carefully the way Jaehyun spoke in a hurry, all excited and with a smile on his face. A smile that reflected in his eyes, finally. This was the Jaehyun he knew, and it was a relief to have him back.

"Kids love to be outside, yeah." Yuta pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, and he couldn't turn his eyes away from Jaehyun. He liked to see him smiling like that. "Anything you do will be fine, I'm sure of it." 

_"Teacher Jae!"_

Jaehyun and Yuta both turned their attention to the little voice.

“Minji!" Jaehyun exclaimed, embracing the little running girl in his arms. "It's so nice to see you!"

Minji giggled, separating herself from Jaehyun and smiling at him. “I missed you.”

Jaehyun gasped. “But we saw each other yesterday.” He said, tickling her belly and making her giggle softly.

“I know, but I get bored at home. I like being in class with you and my friends! It’s always fun.”

Jaehyun was melting on the inside; there was nothing he liked more than when his students said they missed him and couldn't wait until it was Monday again so they could be all together.

"Did you come here with your mommy?" Jaehyun asked. When Minji nodded and pointed with her finger behind her, Jaehyun bowed at the woman, who smiled and returned the gesture at him.

Minji took a glance at Yuta, who was smiling dumbly at the interaction between the two, and then looked back at Jaehyun. "Is he your boyfriend, teacher Jae?" Her voice was barely a whisper, so Yuta couldn't hear what she said. And even if he could, he was too engrossed in the picture in front of him to even pay attention.

Jaehyun almost choked on his spit as he wasn't expecting that kind of question, and he instantly felt his ears burn. He shook his head and said, "just a friend."

Yuta wasn't _just a friend_. He meant so much more to Jaehyun that he couldn't put it into words even if he wanted to. But no one needed to know that.

The girl let out a disappointed 'oh' and turned to Yuta. "Hello, I'm Minji."

"I'm Yuta, it's nice to meet you." Yuta's smile grew wider.

Minji turned her attention back to Jaehyun and giggled. "He is really pretty." She said in a hushed tone.

"Right?" Jaehyun nodded, agreeing with the girl.

The little girl nodded back at Jaehyun and announced she'd be coming back to her mom, waving vigorously at the both men that happily waved back and wished her a good day.

Jaehyun's eyes followed Minji until she was safe with her mother, and when he looked at Yuta, the other was staring at him weirdly. Perhaps he was expecting Yuta to tease him about it, but it wasn't like that, Yuta's smile wasn't a mocking one. His smile held fondness in it. And for some reason that made Jaehyun feel little, shy.

"What?" Jaehyun asked. His cheeks blushed into a soft pink color.

"You know I never tell you what to do." Yuta sighed, leaning forward with his elbows over the table and looking at Jaehyun with big, sparkly eyes. "But I swear, if you quit your job as a teacher just to please someone else, I'll kick your ass. You will no longer be able to call me your friend."

"Hyung-"

"No. I’m serious," Yuta was quick to interrupt, "I wish you could have seen the look of pure adoration for that little girl in your face. I don't think some other job will make you feel like that. You know it better than me."

Jaehyun nodded and looked down. He felt stupid for even thinking of changing his career. Yuta was right. Every time Jaehyun thought about not going to the school and not seeing his students, it felt wrong.

Yuta was a constant reminder to Jaehyun that he was good enough, that no matter what other people thought, he needed to do things for himself so _he_ could be happy.

“Being a teacher is all I wanted to be since I was young. It is still all I want to be,” Jaehyun said with utter confidence, causing Yuta to look at him in surprise. “And it’s all I’ll ever be until it no longer satisfies me.”

“Damn, that was hot.” Yuta bit his lip, earning a glare from Jaehyun and a kick to his leg under the table that made him laugh.

They spent the rest of the day roaming around a town they had never explored before; the sight was beautiful, and the weather was perfect as it wasn’t too cold or too hot. They ate more food than they could take and even fought because Yuta wanted to pay for everything, and Jaehyun got angry, saying he wasn’t a kid that needed to be taken care of, resulting in Yuta jokingly calling him a baby which irritated the younger man even more. Aside from that, they enjoyed each other’s company.

It was pretty late when Yuta got home; he felt a bit disgusting, so the first thing he did was jump into the shower and wash all the sweat away.

He was drying his hair with a towel when his phone vibrated against the counter. An incredulous laugh left his lips as he saw it was a message from Jaehyun. He was imagining another thank you text, even though Jaehyun had already thanked him five times in less than an hour, twenty minutes ago.

A simple _'worth it'_ was written in it, and then a picture of Jaehyun smiling while showing the painful-looking blister on his feet was attached.

An uncomfortable pressure settled in Yuta’s chest and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jaehyun’s face. He wrote a quick reply, telling him to take care of it to avoid an infection, and put the phone aside.

Yuta went to sleep alone that night. And if he dreamt about Jaehyun and his stupid, adorable dimpled smile, he didn’t remember it the next day.


End file.
